Amy’s Fashion (Mis)Adventures: Golden Girls on the Lanai

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with more (mis)adventures! (If you want to read previous Stitch Fix/fashion posts, scroll to the bottom and click the Fayshun tag.)

For those just joining us, the way this works is: Stitch Fix sends me a package, and I try on the items and text my amateur impressions to my superfave Kate, who responds with her expert opinions.

Kate has an eye for fashion/lewks. First, she watches RuPaul’s Drag Race like all the time, except she calls it RuPaul’s Dreg Race because you can take the girl out of the Midwest, but you can’t take the flat vowels out of the girl.

Second, she likes it, and I’m not saying I don’t, but I’m all product and no process. I feel about fashion the way I feel about food. I like eating but not cooking. I like wearing cute clothes but not shopping/trying on/selecting. If that sounds to you like I just like results without putting any work, then you are very good at reading comprehension.

That being said, my sartorial acumen has improved over the last few years to the point where I at least know if something is a slam dunk, like this:

By “seeming detail,” she meant “seaming detail,” and by “the ladies,” she meant “your boobs.” So even though $118 is a lotta clams, I had to keep this one.

I did not have to keep the next one.

It was a couple inches too long, and as Kate said, the pattern was “VV Golden Girls on the lanai.”

I’d say one piece out of every Stitch Fix is the emperor’s new clothes–an item they’re pretending is something but it’s really nothing, like this t-shirt. It had a seam detail straight down the back, but otherwise it was just a t-shirt.

Have I mentioned that Kate is a giant nerd? Anyway, I can get t-shirts at Target for like $8 and in better colors.

Friends, how do we feel about white blouses? I feel good about the idea of a white blouse, and I have at least one in my closet, but I can count on zero hands the number of times I’ve worn a white blouse in the last five years. I can tell you though–if I were going to wear a white blouse, it wouldn’t be this one:

I got an A+ from Kate on my assessment.

Have I mentioned that Kate occasionally skateboards in work clothes with her pet raccoon?

As you may have noticed, accessories from Stitch Fix have been hit or juuuuuust a bit outside.

Remember last Fix’s baroque BDSM necklace? So I was apprehensive to open the box this time, but I was pleasantly surprised.

So I tried them on for her. Please excuse my hair. I… I don’t wash it.

I mean I wash it.

I wash it sometimes.

Kate said the earrings were cute and also my face. I mean my face was also cute, not the earrings were also my face.

Hey, if you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

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