Month: January 2018

Stitch Fix, Redux: Part 2 with Bonus Shoes

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix! Kate, as always, will play the role of consigliere.

Let’s jump right in.I thought these would be a slam dunk with Kate, but no.

I kept them, but tbh, I haven’t worn them yet, so I can’t comment on the degree of #footmurder. (More on that topic below.)

For the next item, I had two questions:

I was glad Kate and I were horrified in equal measure, because seriously, Stitch Fix, what the everloving fuck. Kate said it looked like my pubic hair was outside my pants. Maybe my note to my stylist should’ve said, “Nothing that resembles a merkin, thx.”

Then Kate threw me for a loop-de-loo though because she said, “The upside is they look like they fit real well,” and added a bunch of peach emojis. If you’re not familiar, that’s what kids these days use to express what our generation meant by dat ass. That’s right–in my day, we used words.

Anyhow, I was like

Wut

Really?

Because I did not think they made me look good. I thought they made me look exactly how I look, i.e., wide and bulgy.

Moot point because they were in all other ways a catastrophe. Back they went.

Next up were some stretchy slacks. I was leaning toward no because they had a fold in the crotch.

But Kate gave ’em the thumbs-up, said dark maroon was a good neutral and they went well with the shoes. I was psyched about it because I need pants like whoa. Even my fattest pants are hurting my feelings these days.

I’ve worn them a few times, and they’re really comfy, but by the end of the day I have to do a bit o’ the ol’ heave-ho to keep them around my waist. Suppose I should invest in some suspenders.

For the next item, I had two sads:

Kate informed me that boxy sweaters are only good on people with 3% body fat, and I haven’t had mine tested lately, but I’m guessing like 85-89%?

Sorry, did I say two sads? I meant three.

Kate had some strong, specific words.

I do feel like I’m able now to tell horrific from fabulous. It’s the gray area in the middle I still struggle with, like this shirt:

Kate said it was fine, a decent basic, but I have several other black shirts and decided it just wasn’t necessary.

By the way, lest you think my life is nothing but glam, here’s a behind-the-scenes look at my fashion shoot.

Peek-a-boo.

Ohai.

GET OUTTA MY ROOM, SPAWN.

I meant to put in brands and prices again this time, but I lost the paper. They were the usual–brands you’ve never heard of, and too expensive for the quality but better than <shiver> going shopping.

OK, back to #footmurder. Some friends and readers have made suggestions over the years about flats to try. One person suggested Josef Seibel. In particular, she said that the Pippa flat, though expensive ($115 on Zappos), felt good when she tried them on and after a day of running around. I did some searching, and some of them were really cute, but I’ve been converted by Kate to Things that Elongate, and now I feel like it’s pointy toes or nothing for me. Round-toed flats just seem to highlight my ever-increasing rotundity.

Somebody else recommended Rothys. Also $$$$–specifically 145 doll hairs, but if I used her link, I’d get 20 bucks off. And they had pointy-toed models. And they’re made out of recycled water bottles, so that appealed to the lazy environmentalist in me.

Cute, right?! These might be a game changer because, when I put them on, they felt completely different from other flats–not stiff at all. After a day of wearing them at work, they still rubbed a little on my heel and pushed down on my big toenail. (Do I have freakishly tall big toes?) I think they just need some breaking in, so I’m hopeful.

I also ordered threw some red Lucky brand flats (about $70) in my Zappos cart.

They felt a bit hurty during Day 1 but again may just need some jitterbugging around in. The search for #footjustice continues!

Oh, by the by, Zappos needs to fix its algorithm because I filtered tall boots for wide calf, and well,

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

Also, if you look at Dasani bottles and think, “Those would look great on my feet,” use my Rothys referral link, and we’ll both get a discount.

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Stich Fix: Redux, Part 1

Yes, that’s right! Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is fixing her stitches again!

See, what had happened was:

  1. my promise to myself that I would just go shopping once a month was a vile and pernicious lie; and
  2. I literally split my pants.

My coworker texted me and was like, uh maybe check ur butt? Fortunately, this coworker was a friend and she said it nicer than that, like she intimated that maybe there was a flaw in the fabric or that I had gotten yellow paint on my red jeans, but no, it was my butt. More specifically it was my cotton underpants which I buy in a 6-pack because you can’t tell me what to do.

It was a wake-up call, for sure. I was pretending for a long time that my clothes fit, when they absolutely no longer did, and the thing about wearing too-tight clothes is it makes you feel like your body is wrong. Now, lots of people would say, “Well, your body is wrong. You need to go on a diet.”

And to them I say, “Thanks for sharing. Now shove it up your ass.”

See the thing about going on a diet is it doesn’t work. #fightme if you want, but please read Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon first. And then you won’t fight me–you’ll come in for a bit of cuddle and maybe boo-hoo on my shoulder for a few, but then we’ll high-five and have a snack because keeping our blood sugar steady is good self-care.

That’s all I’m going to say about diets for right now, but I do want to reiterate that wearing the wrong size clothes is a great way to feel bad about yourself all the time. I’ve definitely put on weight since the boys were born. I had that weird pregnancy net loss (plus 19 lbs during gestation, minus 30 with the birth), but since then, I’ve slept very little and eaten a lot of cookies. Those actions are related. Also, I quit CrossFit a year ago, but I had already gained the weight before my exodus. Wearing my old sports bras was basically having an hour-long Heimlich. I haven’t bought new sports bras yet because all I’m doing for exercise is walking the dogs, but I! HAVE! BOUGHT! NEW! STITCH! FIX!

The first order in our redux series was, like previous ones, a mixed bag. And as always, I consulted my fashion guru Kate for advice.

She concurred that the cherry blossoms were quite nice.

The Swingline is an under-utilized sartorial tool, IMHO.

Kate gave me a thumbs-up on the elbow patches and suggested I buy a bubble pipe to complete the look.

Next piece came with many reservations.

I hate it when she asks me that.

I’ll look into buying some leggings, but I decided to send the dress back. Amongst other issues, the sleeves were way too long.

I regret to inform you that my struggle with shoes continues.

I actually LOVED the flats Stitch Fix sent, but.

She asked which was it, and I had to reply that it was both–too floppy on my heels and too squeezy on my toes. I’m so sad about it. I just want cute pointy flats that don’t hurt my feelings. Alas, my search goes on.

For those keeping score at home, the YESes were Vero Moda Marky crew neck top ($44), Tribal Fia seamed trouser ($58), and RD Style Morrison elbow patch pullover ($64); NOs were Absolutely Ettel sweater dress ($54) and MIA Alana pearl flat ($59).

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

______________________

Become my patron on Patreon, and get access to super-secret posts!

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.