Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist! She is back! With another Fix! (Read part 12 here and follow the links for previous posts.)
My fashion coach Kate was not visiting for this one–boo hoo hoo hoo–so I had to rely on her textual healing.
First up were some olive green pantaloons. I have to say, as someone who loathed the skinny jean phenomenon when it started, I’ve somewhat come around to it. Probably just in time for it to go out of style–am I right?! Is it over?! It’s almost definitely over. Nobody ever accused me of being an early adopter. I just listened to the Hamilton soundtrack for the first time last week.
Anyhow, I still feel a little like an ice cream cone when I’m in skinny jeans, but they do create a sleek line:
Kate agreed that I should keep them, which was good because I had already worn them to work.
I got to thinking that maybe there just aren’t any flats that’ll work with my Barney Rubbles. So despite my difficulty with heels in the past, I bought some cute black dressier flip-flops that have a 1 1/2-inch heel. I figured it was nothing! A kitten heel! Meow! …And my feet go numb within mere minutes. Utilitarian flip-flops 4 lyfe!!1!
Next up was a sleeveless blouse that I liked a lot, but I’m still unclear when a thing is, as Kate says, hiding my light under a bushel, or not showing off my sweet rack and tiny waist. (Note: Kate moved away before I had the boys, so she still thinks I have a sweet rack and tiny waist, rather than deflated boobs and floppy abs.)
I kept it, and I love it!
I wanted to keep this next shirt SO BAD. Hard to see, but it had two layers of scalloped edges, and a cool back, but there was a problem.
Kate said the problem was not my bras or my boobs, it was a design flaw. Back it went.
Next was this:
I wasn’t crazy about it, plus if you look at the first pic in this post, I have basically the same shirt (navy, lacy-necked, sleeveless blouse) without the sportsball shoulders. Bye bye.
Kate’s an idea man. But Body Glide wears off, Spanx are uncomfortable, boy shorts ride up, and those Bandelettes I bought don’t cover enough real estate on my ample inner thighs–I still get hot spots. Besides, wedges make my feet fall asleep, Birks aren’t my jam (anymore–I wore the shit out of some Birks in high school), and chucks… well, I suppose I could get me some chucks.
But I already have like six dresses in my closet that I don’t wear. I sent it back.
So my two big fayshun problems remain. Footmurder! Thighfire! My fashion misadventures are pretty much Game of Thrones. HBO, CALL ME.
For those of you keeping score, that’s Keep 2, Return 3. Unlucky Fix. But you guys, I still love this service. A friend told me she was thinking of trying it, and I was like, “Wait, but you LIKE to shop, don’t you?” She said she loved it. Thrill of the hunt. And I had to tell her that I think Stitch Fix and similar services are for people who (a) hate shopping, (b) are bad at fashion, or (c) both.
If you’re a (c) like me, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.
Stay tuned for future Fixes!
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