There I was, expressing my wildly swinging emotions about… some topic. I don’t know—this was probably 8 years ago. But I do remember what my friend Cat said: “Well, sometimes possibility is winning, and sometimes your concerns are winning.”
It was such a simple paraphrasing of what I’d been ruminating on. It was as if I had been spinning in circles, rising into the air, and she had grabbed my ankles and given them a toss earthward. Thunk, thunk, my feet were planted. All was steady.
Because they’re both fiction—possibility and concerns. Neither is real. Neither is what’s happening right now in the moment. Neither can be measured. The battle is a fantasy.
Every so often, I’m reminded that this battle between what’s possible and what’s worrisome rages on, but I feel like I’d benefit from keeping this concept closer to the decision-making part of my brain. (Especially since my concerns tend to occur to me not as obstacles to be overcome but instead as immovable barriers.)
Plus, I’ve noticed a predisposition toward one or the other at different times, so in the spirit of knowing thmyself, I’m going to make a list. I should probably post it on the fridge. Or tattoo it onto my forearm.
Historically, when possibility has been winning:
- mornings when I wake up without an alarm
- pretty much all mid-mornings
- Daylight Savings Time
- when I’m pleasantly busy (“Action is the antidote to despair.” -Joan Baez)
- generally speaking, if I’m dancing or hula hooping
- 66% of the time I’m at the gym
- 79% of dog walks
- 94% of the time I spend with family/friends
- 100% of times I’m floating on a tube down a river
Historically, when my concerns have had the upper hand:
- mornings when I wake up with an alarm and/or before 7:30am
- late afternoons, on days I don’t go to the gym
- when I wake up in the middle of the night
- non-Daylight Savings Time
- when I spend too much time by myself
- generally speaking, if I see pictures of myself working out or video of myself dancing
- days 21-28 of my cycle
- when people deviate from the script I have in my head
- when I have too much free time and not enough structure
- Sunday evenings
If I can stay aware and recognize when concerns are on top, I’m not saying I’ll be able to wrestle them down, but at least I can say, “Oh, look who showed up. It’s Concerns. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Sure. Gotcha. Thanks for sharing, Concerns. Now fuck off.”
When possibility’s in the lead, that’s when I need to make plans and get shit done.
What about you guys? Do you have certain times when you’re predisposed to letting one or the other win?