(Not at my house, natch.)
Friend: This is delicious, [hostess], and speaking of which (turning to me), let’s talk about your blog.
Other friend: What about it?
Me: I’ve been trying to do some cooking.
Friend: (laughing) Ugh, what WAS that ham and lima bean and mozzarella thing?
Me: (hanging head) I’m TRYING.
Friend: You just need to learn a few basics, like soup and chicken.
Me: I tried to bake some chicken. It didn’t work.
Friend: What did you do?
Me: I coated it in a chicken spice and put it in my toast-r-oven at 400.
(peals of laughter from all parties)
Friend: You can’t cook chicken in a toast-r-oven!
Me: Why not? It’s a toast-r-OVEN. Gah!
Friend: How much chicken did you put in there?
Me: Four breasts.
(more peals)
Me: WHAT?!
Friend: So what happened?
Me: I couldn’t get it up to the right internal temperature, so I had to resort to the regular oven, but then it just turned to rubber.
By the way, that was two weeks ago, and it’s still in my fridge. Why do I believe that my cooking, like fine wine, will improve with age?