[continued from previous post]
Did I say I was done?
I did?
Did you believe it?
The Linebacker: Your entitled to your opionion….once again “excluding medical conditions” and I said ‘commonly’ associated not It was the only cause…Ive seen plenty of obese people and their obese because there freaking lazy and eat to much..I was one of them
And I was just so mad at that point.
I wanted to hurt somebody.
I stopped and closed my eyes and felt the blood pulsing in my ears.
And just over the throbbing, I could hear a little voice from inside my head. What did it say? I listened closer, and I heard it. It said:
You’re the asshole here.
That’s right. I was the asshole in this situation. I was berating TL for “making people wrong”. Really? What exactly was I doing? Arguing a point, after making sure nobody could hear anything I said because I called them all idiots.
So I emailed TL privately and used my big-girl words: I wasn’t trying to alienate you with my comments. As someone who hits the charts at the obese level, and someone who has an eating disorder, I just felt demeaned by your post.
You have every right to be proud of the progress that you’ve made.
He emailed back immediately: Amy please know that I wasnt in any way trying to be evil! I promise you Im not like that and please forgive me if I appeared that way!! I wasnt in any way talking about people like you Amy who work damn hard and take a stand in their life!! Amy I def wasnt talking about anyone who has a disorder as well I take that seriously I promise!!! I just meant lazy people…..do u want me to take the message down Amy? I promise I will if u want me to I dont want to offend someone who works as hard as you
That was sweet. Now I felt bad.
Me: No worries, TL. Sometimes I speak without taking the requisite ten deep breaths to calm myself down and realize I might be overreacting.
TL: Never apologize for speaking your mind Amy you have the right to your opinion no matter If I or anyone else agrees with it! and Im deleting the post because my goal of the post wasnt for any one to fell less than appreciated! and honestly I shouldnt have posted that anyway!
Turns out The Linebacker is a really nice dude.
So to recap for our heroine: judgmental…check, preachy…check, temper tantrum…whoa, Nelly!, and Big Life Lesson…learned.
Here it is, in case you didn’t catch it: Every so often, I need to stop and ask myself, who’s the asshole? Chances are the answer will be, I am.
I’m the asshole.
(I still don’t think TL and I are going to be besties.)
[The End]
What you also did was express to the world things you go through. I appreciate you telling your story-
ditto, sammy.
You had me at Part 1. <3
i love you amy. for so many reasons. because you never apologize for being you . . . because you speak your truth . . . because you take risks . . . because of our common diagnosis . . . because you’ve never EVER judged me in my difficult and vulnerable moments related to the post subject . . . because you know i’m crying right now as i write this and you love me anyway . . .
so. many. reasons.
<3
I loved that post Amy. Every bit of it. I love your writing. I love how you can open up and let us in. I love following you along on this life lesson. Thanks.
Ame. I love you too!
I think being an asshole, and being authentic and self-reflective enough to recognize it, are mutually exclusive.
If you have the capacity to realize that you’re being an asshole, and feel contrite about it, then by definition you’re not an actually an asshole – you’re merely behaving assholeishly, temporarily.
Like how you can eat Chinese food every now and again, but that doesn’t make you Chinese.
And for the record, I’m now thinking about you in a robe…
Thanks, friends! I love you all back.
(And Dan, you’re married now! You’re not allowed to think about me in a robe!)
i love you.