Why won’t people stop telling me I’ve lost weight? You might recall, I fucking hate it.You might recall, when they tell me I’ve lost weight, I’ve never lost weight. You might recall that I think people just remember me as a jiggly behemoth and are surprised when they see me and I’m fat but not that fat.
I’ve had three people in the last three weeks tell me I’ve lost weight. Guess what! I haven’t! And they’re so pleased with themselves, like they’re paying me a compliment.
One of my co-workers asked about my gym and said, “You look good. You look like you’re losing weight.” So what you’re saying is I should be losing weight. What you’re saying is that I didn’t look good in your mistaken memory. Thanks, bitch.
It makes me so mad. So, so mad.
I’m realizing my rage is unhealthy. So in the future, when they say, beaming, “You have lost weight!” I’m going to say, “No. Not at all. I guess you’re just not remembering since last time you saw me how ridiculously fine I am.”
Or maybe I should try, “Wow, it’s a good thing you got your hair cut—it looks so much better now!”
Other suggestions?