Whoster?

On a phone call the other day, the guy I was talking to mentioned a couple he knew…they had met on Friendster…and the woman was—

Wait, what?

Friendster? Who even remembers Friendster?

And, in a weird coincidence, my friend Sean posted on Facebook that day that he gone back to Friendster and found—remarkable!—we were all still there! Just five years younger than last time he looked.

Well, of course I had to take a peek at my 2005 self. Nothing crazy different, except that I had pictures up from when I was still blond. And Friendster itself is pretty dumb; it’s no wonder it tanked. Back in the day, there was no dynamic aspect to it—no “walls” to write on, nowhere to post links, no games, no reason to log in every day. But those Friendster folks had one cool idea: they had a section where people could put up testimonials. Come along with me on my Ego Trip!

My friend from college, Anthony: Amy is one of the good guys. If you walk in a room that she is in, you will be happier than you were before you walked into that room. And I assure you – it’s not because of her choice of rooms.

Another friend from college, Ehren: The first thing you notice about Amy is her voluptuous, no –sumptuous– hotness. She is built for speed. But beneath all that sugar and spice, she is savvy and sweet, and on top of all that, she’s actually a conscientious human being who is actually giving of herself to make the world a better place. I just wish she would invite me over more. *Sigh*

My old roomie, Dan: There is no one in the world like Amy – I couldn’t adore her more. Bright, compassionate, charming and witty, and does she have an ass on her? DAMN. I’m talking bout a ghetto onion to make a brother cry…[Ed. note: Dan is a Jew.] Sweet, smart, and beautiful. Amy has it all in one amazingly-assed package. She may also be one of the prettiest women in the world – though I couldn’t tell you for sure cause I’m still looking at her butt…

Patricia, a gringa friend I met during my study-abroad semester: I met Amy at a World Boggle Tournament in Mexico [Ed. note: WBT took place in her living room.] and she blew me away with her smarts, her salsa, and her use of diagonal tiles. And then I lost track of her and I thought- Anyone who gets to live near Amy is lucky and should never complain about anything. She is outrageously beautiful, funny, generous, real, and has really good vocab. Those third graders are the luckiest of all.

A New York friend, Caroline: Amy has, quite possibly, the very best laugh in the history of the universe.

Yet another UNC friend, also named Amy and probably the funniest woman I know: amy’s heart is as big as her laugh. she is beautiful and thoughtful, she makes lethal baked goods, and she’ll never tell you, but she’s a damn good actress.

And last but not least, TWO from my sister-in-law, Melissa. The first from 2003: amy is one of the most genuinely caring people i have ever known. she is beautiful in every way a person can be beautiful. and her laugh is contagious. and her ass is worshipful. i actually worship at the altar of her ass.

And the second from 2005: amy makes the world a better place, on purpose and with meaning. amy constantly challenges herself. she inspires awe. she climbs mountains, solves puzzles, makes pronouncements and never settles. amy is wicked smaht but will never make you feel small. amy decided i should marry her brother and i decided to go along with it. she just knows what’s best.

What did I learn from this experience?

1. Back then, I used to laugh a lot. Sad, but I don’t think I do anymore.
2. My ass was huge. That’s still true.
3. It’s really fun when people say nice things about you. Let’s say nice things about each other more often!