On March 31 of this year, I sent in my portfolio to the National Board of Professional Teaching Standards (NBPTS—I’ll let you guess what the Fs stand for in the title up there). The portfolio included four papers, two videos, diagrams, documentation, and evidence. Two and a half months later, I took an exam, which consisted of six essay questions. All of this was an attempt to show that I know what I’m doing in the classroom.
Each entry of the portfolio and each essay is scored separately and weighted, and a passing score is 275. Results were posted last Friday, and my total score was 274.4. If I had scored 0.006 of a point more on an entry or 0.013 more on an essay question, I would have passed.
So, I’ve been having some feelings.
At first, I was stunned. I really thought I would pass. I got an A+ on my Master’s thesis and graduated with a 4.0. I work my ass off, and I learn new things every year, and I’m a good teacher. I may not be great, but I’m good at what I do.
Then I got really embarrassed. For one, my family doesn’t so much “not pass” shit. And aside from that, despite the fact that in the last three years only two out of a dozen or so of my co-workers have passed the first time around, I felt ashamed that I didn’t belong in that group.
What followed was anger at myself. I did solid work on that portfolio, but honestly, I didn’t really study for the test. I looked over some U.S. history materials for the social studies question, and that was about it. If I had studied for 0.013 of an hour more….
After that, I just got resentful as hell. On any other day, one of those 28 people who scored my stuff might have given me a fraction of a point more. Maybe one of the scorers was having a bad day. Maybe she was sick of reading the response to the same question a million times. Maybe the tag on his t-shirt was scratching the back of his neck. Whatever. And there’s no appeals process. I can’t request a re-score on even one section. I therefore have to redo a section and wait until NEXT NOVEMBER to get my new results.
I really could have used the 12% raise this year. But mostly, I just could have used some good news.