Margo: What would you like for dinner?
Me: What do you want to make me?
Margo: A lesbian.
She also wants to make me her goatherd, and no, that’s not a euphemism.
Month: September 2009
Protected: Another Word from Edwin…
Protected: Edward
Protected: Taheem
Protected: I Saw Figurative Language in There
Protected: Fuckin’ Chicken
Are You There, God?
On Saturday, I came this close to putting “Today I’m a real woman” as my facebook status. But I knew people would think I had either gotten my period or lost my virginity, neither of which has happened yet of course. What did happen on Saturday evening was I had my first shopping experience at Lane Bryant. And they told me I was a Real Woman, or at least that I had earned Real Woman Dollars, and I figure you can’t really earn the Dollars if you’re a Pretend Woman.
My friend Eve convinced me to go to Lane Bryant because we’re built the same way* and she has fashion sense and I don’t and she shops there. My experience was wholly satisfactory. They didn’t harass me about how many items I wanted to take into the dressing room. When they didn’t have something in my size, they ordered it and shipped it free to my house. Best of all, according to them, I’m a Size 2 Petite Red! (In a regular store, that would translate as a Size 16 Hobbit with a Ghetto Booty“.)
*Eve is not a Hobbit. She’s an admirable 5’6”.