Why won’t people stop telling me I’ve lost weight? You might recall, I fucking hate it.You might recall, when they tell me I’ve lost weight, I’ve never lost weight. You might recall that I think people just remember me as a jiggly behemoth and are surprised when they see me and I’m fat but not that fat.
I’ve had three people in the last three weeks tell me I’ve lost weight. Guess what! I haven’t! And they’re so pleased with themselves, like they’re paying me a compliment.
One of my co-workers asked about my gym and said, “You look good. You look like you’re losing weight.” So what you’re saying is I should be losing weight. What you’re saying is that I didn’t look good in your mistaken memory. Thanks, bitch.
It makes me so mad. So, so mad.
I’m realizing my rage is unhealthy. So in the future, when they say, beaming, “You have lost weight!” I’m going to say, “No. Not at all. I guess you’re just not remembering since last time you saw me how ridiculously fine I am.”
Or maybe I should try, “Wow, it’s a good thing you got your hair cut—it looks so much better now!”
Other suggestions?
Damn girl, you look fat as shit, you should lose some weight.
A person paying me this “compliment” followed up with, “Are you trying to lose weight?” I felt like spitting out something that would just make the conversation stop, something like “Well, I don’t want to ruin everyone’s day, so just between us, it’s the big C, eating me up from the inside out.” or “Damn, I knew my tape worm medication wasn’t working!”
It’s the CrossFit, girl. You may not be losing any pounds on the scale, but that’s because you are losing fat and gaining muscle. It happens to every single person who walks in the door. A compliment is a compliment is a compliment is a compliment. Take it and be happy with it!
Jjoe, yes! Or maybe, “I know I’m looking good; too bad there’s nothing that can be done about your face.”
metoo, hahahahahaha!
Ashley, you missed the point. (1) As “a compliment”, it’s totally insensitive, so no, not gonna be happy about it. (2) It’s none of their business. And (3) people have been saying this shit to me for YEARS, since way before CrossFit.
I know that some people just can’t give compliments, but I have a feeling that even though you might not be losing pounds on the scale they really are noticing a difference in your body. I didn’t lose weight when I first started CrossFit, but my clothes did start to fit different and better and looser… they started fitting more like they should.
You look great. Period.
CrossFit will help you feel better and look better. That’s just how it works.
You’re doing awesome at the gym. I’m proud of your progress. I don’t get to see you every single day b/c of your schedule, but b/c of that I’ve been able to notice a huge difference in your movements and strength. Keep working hard. It’s paying off!
And don’t pay attention to coaches who aren’t motivating. Please don’t. Just do your thing. Don’t worry about anyone else. JUST WORK. :)
Amy, I agree with you 100%. When I was going through my divorce a few years ago, I lost weight because of the stress. People often commented that I looked like I was losing weight and some even asked what I was doing to lose weight. Um, not trying and I really don’t think they wanted “my secret.” Our society equals losing weight with increased health, when in many cases losing weight=diminished health. A dear friend who had non-hodgkins lymphoma and went through chemo often commented to me that one of the things that didn’t help her recovery was strangers or mere acquaintances commenting on how skinny she looked. It is my belief that those who comment on a person’s weight soon after seeing you after a time are dealing with their own insecurities about their weight. A “you look like you’ve lost weight” is perhaps intended as a compliment, but it’s nature, in my opinion, requires a personal, and perhaps, intimate response (like, I’m actually fasting for religious reasons, or, just got diagnosed with celiac, etc.)
I understand the POV that it is intended as a compliment or as motivation, but I strongly believe as a society we need to stop focusing on losing weight as an indicator of increased health. A person might not be losing any weight, but may be transitioning to a healthier diet or a less stressful job or some other thing that would actually promote health. Those things are not always seen by the casual observer, yet speak so much more to a person’s general well-being and health moreso than how much weight a person has lost. The participants on Biggest Loser lose A LOT of weight but they are not necessarily getting healthier. A person with a terminal illness loses a lot of weight, but obviously is not getting healthier. At some point, our culture needs to move away from that flawed logic.
/rant
P.S. I think you’ve always looked great and you’ve got killer eyes that probably don’t change even if your weight does (or doesn’t)!
Sarah, do actually you watch the Biggest Loser? Half of the people on that show have adult onset Diabetes b/c they are so overweight and b/c of their diet. Throughout the show many of the participants are become so much healthier that they actually are no longer diabetic.
Exercising, eating a healthy diet, lower cholesterol, and lower blood pressure = a healthier person. You are correct by saying that losing weight doesn’t always mean someone has become healthier, but since the majority of Americans are not just overweight, but obese, losing weight usually is an indicator that they have chosen to live a healthier lifestyle.
I haven’t seen you in ages, so I have no idea what you look like now. My memory of you is both heavy-ish and hot. Mostly hot. I’m sorry the “you’re losing weight” gambit doesn’t work for you, and maybe it’s an insensitive way to phrase it, but I do try to cut people a lot of slack for intent when outcome doesn’t go the way they’d like, if the outcome isn’t too awful and the error isn’t the result of egregious lack of effort. Since “you’re losing weight” isn’t socially proscribed, it’s probably just a manner of saying, “Hey, you look great” that really doesn’t work for you.
That said, two additional things: 1. this blog is hilarious and 2. if I see you sometime, should I just go ahead and say, “damn, you look awesome”?
Ashley, I’m so proud of what I’ve done in the three months since I joined CrossFit. I feel stronger. And proud. But I haven’t lost weight, and my body hasn’t changed, and my clothes don’t fit differently (I know, because I’m in them!), and THAT’S OK WITH ME. I’m not going to lose weight very easily for reasons I’ll get to some other time. And I really appreciate your encouragement and support. I really do. You’re a great coach.
That being said, people have done the “You’ve lost weight!” thing to me for TWO DECADES. And out of those two decades, it was true ONE TIME. I’ve lost weight ONE TIME IN MY LIFE. It’s really annoying to hear this over and over again. Imagine everybody you met said, “You’ve changed your hair!” You’d get annoyed, especially if it weren’t true.
Sarah, thank you. I’m so with you on this. Ashley, of course they’re “getting healthier” in that they’re reducing the risk for diabetes and whatnot, but (having seen the show a total of one time, and thus being an expert on it) I think most of those contestants have eating disorders, something I know intimately. And from the ONE TIME IN MY LIFE that I’ve lost weight, I know that losing weight doesn’t make you mentally healthier, therefore it’s really easy to gain it back.
Dani, you are absolutely right. I’m not receiving their comments with any generosity whatsoever. They’re trying to be nice, and I’m emitting vitriol through my aura. I’ll try to be a little more understanding in the future. Two additional things: 1. Thanks! I’m so glad you like my little blog! and 2. Yes, “Damn, you look awesome” is exactly what you should say. Maybe put your fist up to your mouth and inhale sharply. Go “Mm!”, shed a tear, then turn around and walk away, shaking your head slowly.
Thanks – I’m glad to know how to approach the situation in a non-vitriol-triggering way that acknowledges the awesomeness. Let me ask you this – if I did that thing where my eyes pop out of my head and my tongue unrolls onto the floor, whilst an unmotivated “awugah” noise is heard on the soundtrack, would that also work? Because I know a couple of cartoon foxes, and they’ve told me it’s not as difficult to do as it looks. They said when I pass the course, I get a complimentary set of suspenders and a little bowler hat to complete the effect.
Who’s Daniel? I like him/her? Hahahaha, people tell me that constantly too followed by, “I mean, your butt really does look smaller.” Just today, my brother T said that, so as his 2 year old daughter was eating cheetoes at the dinner table I stood next to her head as he was snapping her pictures and said, “T, take a picture of my ass next to your daughters head and tell me that again.” Literally, my ass is 6 times bigger than her head.
Ashley, yes I’ve watched the show. And I’ve seen the reunion show where many have regained the weight because the show does not promote *healthy* weight loss. Their weight loss routines are not healthy and they are not sustainable. Again, I challenge the presumption that losing weight=healthier lifestyle when so many people who are overweight buy into fad diets. Sure they lose weight, but their diet is neither healthy nor sustainable. We all know that losing 10+ pounds a week is not healthy nor recommended, but the producers of the show know that no one would watch if they *only* lost 2 pounds a week.
Diets that focus on eliminating a food group, complicated meal plans, or packaged food are not healthy. If I am overweight and lose weight by pumping chemicals into my body, I would argue that I was healthier with the 10 extra pounds than with the chemicals in my system. People need to eat wholesome, simpler food, and learn to not feel guilty from eating homemade cookies every once in a while. I think many people genuinely gain weight or stay overweight because enjoying food is viewed as an unhealthy guilty pleasure. People deprive themselves because they’re told that they shouldn’t eat X,Y,Z (dessert, butter, cream, etc). Feeling unsatisfied with forgoing dessert or from eating fat-free nachos, they binge on any ole’ food at a later time and still feel guilty for doing so. Or, with fad exercise…Jillian Michaels has the fad 30 day 20 minute workout. Is that sustainable? No. People try it for a week and get burnt out because you are not supposed to do that intense strength conditioning every day.
Of course (disclaimer here), I am one of those people who has never really had a problem with maintaining a healthy weight, but I also decided it shouldn’t be hard work to maintain that healthy weight. I eat white bread toast with butter every morning for breakfast, coffee with real sugar and real cream, and I don’t count calories and I almost always eat dessert when going out for dinner unless I really am full. For exercise, I walk, do yoga, lift weights, etc about 2-3 times a week. No way will I ever not have birthday cake on a friends’ birthday, a burger with all the trimmings on July 4th, or forgo regional treats while traveling such as lobster rolls, pork BBQ, pralines from Charleston, etc. Life is really too short. Heck if I will order a chicken salad when at a restaurant known for its fried oyster salad! A 1500 calorie meal at a nice restaurant with nutritious and wholesome foods is much better for the body and soul than a 1500 calorie meal from a major chain restaurant, yet the diet fanatics don’t seem to care about that. All food is not equal, nor is it so easily broken down into a fad diet.
One of my pet peeves is to hear a person comment about gaining weight while eating a meal, or complain about how many calories/fat/etc a food has. It is self-centered and a way for the person to feel better about themselves by proving self-control, or it’s a way to fish for compliments ( “girl, why are you worried about your weight? I wish I was as skinny as you…”) If you want to politely decline dessert, just say you’re full (unless you’ve already picked at your meal the whole time.)
/rant, round 2
me, i watch the biggest loser cause that jillian is one hot bitch. hot, and bitchy. but my girlfriend has nothing in common with jillian and i think she’s just as hot. and not a bitch.
and amy, if it will get you to visit more often, i will do that fist to mouth shed a tear thing. but i am not sure i can master the eyes popping out tongue unrolling to floor.
but i am willing to try . . .
Hey Kam! Thanks! I’m just a guy who was lucky enough to go to college with Amy.
i like you, too, daniel! you funny.
and, umm, margo – we have GOT to meet in person. due to reasons noted above in these comments, i think jillian is much less hot than she used to be. just a hot MESS now. ;-) much hotter IMO are mariska hargitay (yum) and sara ramirez from grey’s.
amy – i haven’t seen you in like almost a week or something. that’s crazy talk.