Stitch Fixing, Part 12, Now with Sassy Poses!

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another Fix! (Read part 11 here, and follow the links to previous posts.)

Kate, my fayshun guru, was HERE, you guys, LIVE AND IN THE FLESH. As I’m sure you understand, it was imperative that Kate and I see the new Key & Peele movie together on its opening weekend, so she hopped in her trusty hovercraft and came down south. Bonus: She got to be the fayshun fotografer for Stitch Fix #12! You know what that means! SASSY POSES.

First up, Rondot split-neck blouse:

Despite Patrick’s skeptical look, I was for it, and so was Kate, though she mentioned that there’s no way to avoid showing bra straps, unless I went strapless. Haaaaaaaaaa. I own a strapless bra, but it gets exhumed from the bottom of my closet only for, like, weddings and shit.

No worries–my undies drawer contains a veritable panoply of beige bras. (You know me! All sex, all the time!) An earth-toned brassiere and a cami, done and done. Keeping it.

Next, Abbey Colorblock striped infinity scarf:

I JUST CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THESE INFINITY SCARVES.

And as Kate says, this one has “a built-in pop of color.” A++. Keeping.

Then we have these Adorra skinny jeans:

PRO: “You wouldn’t have to get them hemmed,” said Kate.

PRO: Say it with me–UNIFORM DARK WASH.

PRO: The cut at the waist minimizes my muffin top.

CON: The rise is pretty low, so when I sit down, my undies show.

But they’re good quality and comfy, so I’m keeping them. I’ll just make sure I don’t wear them with a crop top.

(Haaaaaaaaaaaa. Crop top.)

Here we go! A black Queensland jersey top, which looks like a regular shirt…

Except NO!

“What’s happening?!” I said to Kate. “I feel like a flying squirrel.”

“Ah,” she said, “Dolman sleeves.”

I said, “Dol-what now?”

She said, “Dolman. That’s what they’re called,” and pulled her mouth to one side.

“You’re not a fan,” I said.

She said something about elephant arms and, as a general rule, avoiding them, so I was gonna send it back, but after she left, I tried it on again, and it’s super-soft, and I like the neckline. Moreover, it hides my soft middle. (By the way, why am I so soft in the middle now? Why am I so soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard.) Keeping it!

Last and definitely least, this Concord striped draped-pocket cardigan (reminiscent of Fix 6’s cardigan), which I really do not like at all, but I will do sassy poses in anyway:

The back view is not The Worst, I guess, but those draped pockets do nothing for my front, and the purple stripes are solid but the gray stripes are heather, which seems real weird to me, BUT THEN AGAIN WHAT DO I KNOW.

I would’ve sent it back, but as with Fix 6, the Buy 5 discount made it cheaper NOT to.

So! Do you want a weird-striped, draped-pocket cardigan? I could send it as a MAJOR AWARD to a reader who uses this link to try Stitch Fix. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

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