Dad is lying on the chaise, eyes closed.
Me: Leave him alone, dogs.
Dad: What?
Me: I was telling the dogs to leave you alone.
Dad: That’s probably a good idea… But your dogs have privileges that other dogs don’t have. We’re friends. It’s really hard to get mad at your dogs. (Violet noses at his elbow.) Hey! I’m getting mad at you.
**********
Dad: Redford is such an intelligent dog.
(12 hours later) Come here, Violet… Not you, Redford, you BONEHEAD.
**********
During a two-block walk I forced him to go on, Dad: (seriously) Oh this was a great idea!… If I live through it.
**********
Dad: (referring to the scenery somewhere north of Hillsborough, NC) People are missing out on this gorgeous countryside! (gesturing to a sign for a local business) Full of fascinating rednecks!
**********
Dad: (in Virginia) 3.09! They’re givin away gasoline!
**********
Dad: (reading a sign for an unfortunately named town in Virginia) Hurt, 2 miles. (mumbling) Masochists welcome.
**********
Dad: I’ve always been resistant to change. Starting with Camp Miller. Lutheran camp my parents sent me to for two horrific weeks. Felt like two years. Terrible place where they taught you to make lariats and things like that.
**********
Dad: Boy I’ll be glad to get out of this car. Not that I haven’t enjoyed talking at you.
[Note he didn’t say to me.]
**********
Dad: I used to have a pocketknife like that. No idea what happened to it.
Me: Probably got confiscated when you went through airport security at some point.
Dad: Probably. You noticed?—the TSA has gotten conspicuously lax in their screenings lately. I got half a pat-down last time. It’s like an edict was sent out, Perfunctory Pat-Downs for Old People. I mean, I’m not looking for thrills or anything, but seriously, the guy did one leg.
**********
Dad: (futzing around in the morning at our favorite Red Roof Inn) Verily I say unto you, I’m getting my ass in gear.
**********
Dad: (patting my hand like he pats the dogs’ heads) Pat pat pat pat pat.
**********
Dad: Just the concept of Connecticut bores me.
(a little later) Imagine you’re alive. And you have to live the rest of your fucking life in Hartford, Connecticut.
(still in Hartford) I need a cigarette. This place makes me want to take up smoking again.
[My father hasn’t smoked in over 50 years.]
**********
Dad: I’m nothing if not… Nothing if not…
Me: You’re nothing if not what?
Dad: ORGANIZED.
(20 minutes later) It’s great to have a junk bag or a junk box you can just throw things in.
**********
Dad: (after an hour and a half of nonstop complaints, 100% sincere) I’m so happy. ‘Cause I’m with you.
**********
Dad: OH MY ACHIN ASS.
Too cute!
It takes a really excellent blog to make me laugh out loud like a total idiot, and yours achieved just that. Thanks so much :)
There is noticeably a bundle to know about this. I assume you made certain nice points in features also.
I wish to show some thanks to you just for bailing me out of this challenge. Just after looking through the the web and meeting suggestions that were not pleasant, I figured my life was well over. Being alive minus the strategies to the difficulties you’ve fixed by way of your main website is a crucial case, and the ones which could have in a negative way affected my career if I had not discovered your blog post. That know-how and kindness in maneuvering a lot of things was very helpful. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had not encountered such a step like this. I’m able to at this point relish my future. Thank you very much for the professional and sensible help. I won’t hesitate to endorse your site to any person who should receive guide about this matter.
Saved as a favorite, I really like your blog!
Thanks, I have just been looking for information approximately this subject for a long time and yours is the best I’ve discovered so far. However, what about the bottom line? Are you certain concerning the source?
This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your excellent post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!
I truly wanted to write a quick comment to say thanks to you for some of the magnificent steps you are giving at this website. My prolonged internet investigation has finally been rewarded with wonderful strategies to talk about with my friends and family. I would tell you that most of us site visitors actually are unequivocally blessed to exist in a decent website with many brilliant individuals with useful guidelines. I feel rather happy to have come across your weblog and look forward to really more cool times reading here. Thank you once more for a lot of things.
Excellent web site. Lots of helpful information here. I?¦m sending it to several pals ans additionally sharing in delicious. And obviously, thanks to your effort!
Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is fantastic, as well as the content!