I’m trying to stir up some words here at Avid Bruxist headquarters. It’s generally feast or famine, you know, and for the past few days, times have been lean.
I’m sure something will come to me shortly. In the meantime, I’d like to give you some more expertise from Dan NJ. These are little bitty excerpts from big fat emails he sent me over the last few months every time I wrote him to say, “Wah, Dan NJ, my life is broken, and I’m trying this and this and this to fix it, and it’s not working and wah. You do it.”
Seeing them out of context is maybe not as powerful as seeing them nestled in the stories from which they were birthed, but again, I’m not ready/willing to share all the details of the Eat-a-Dick Summer of 2012, and I think these bullet points are still valuable as maxims.
So here you go, ladies and gents. Take these, and go be wonderful*:
- Be a woman in full; prepared to fight and play and create and destroy.
- [To answer my question: The fuck am I doing wrong?] It’s possible to commit no errors, and still fail. [Ouch. Hurty! So hurty!]
- Consider that everyone is not for everyone, and even the people who are for you, may be at different places in their journeys. In other words, it’s not all about you, you crazy narcissist.
- There’s a vast wide world of shit happening out there to everyone, and you’re only privy to your small piece of it. So don’t assume that because you don’t have what you want, that it’s anyone’s fault – including your own.
- You’re falling into victimhood, which is the opposite of helpful.
- You’re important enough to be worthy of love and affection, but chicken shit enough to not want to pursue it with a full-throated barbaric yawp.
- The evidence that you’re loved and lovable far outweighs the evidence to the contrary – but you’re unable to let go of the one small bit of information that you can twist to confirm your greatest fear. Take a deep breath, acknowledge your fear, and get back out there. Putting yourself out on that limb is the only way to get what you want – if the limb breaks, it’s not because you were doing something wrong. Find a different limb, is all.
- I expect you to be bold, audacious, and unstoppable. I will expect nothing less from you.
- Life’s hard. Boys are hard. It’s scary. You are fearless in several areas of your life. Make this one of them. Decide it. Timid is not one of your more admirable qualities.
- You hide behind your written words. You were not given the gift of written word efficacy as a substitute for human interaction. You’re abusing your gift for writing by using it instead of talking to people.
It’s true. But today I decided to hide behind Dan NJ’s words. Maybe tomorrow I’ll peek out. And perhaps next week, I’ll find a different limb and go be wonderful.
*”Go be wonderful” is something my dear friend and former co-worker, Kate K., always said to students in that moment after she’d given them instructions/clarifications/encouragement and they were hemming and hawing because they wanted more support but she knew they had everything they needed and could do the task on their own if they just tried. Go be wonderful.