{"id":800,"date":"2010-03-29T11:55:08","date_gmt":"2010-03-29T15:55:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=800"},"modified":"2010-03-29T11:55:08","modified_gmt":"2010-03-29T15:55:08","slug":"inhale-exhale","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2010\/03\/29\/inhale-exhale\/","title":{"rendered":"Inhale Exhale"},"content":{"rendered":"
“Amy, this is your neighbor Barbara. <\/em><\/address>\n
Call me back. It’s about your dogs. Bye.”<\/em><\/address>\n
Oh my god ohmygod OHMYGOD<\/address>\n
Options: calls: recent<\/address>\n
Number restricted<\/address>\n
Barbara, why didn’t you leave your number?<\/address>\n
Was it Charlie?<\/address>\n
Did that meth-head finally take a break<\/address>\n
from mowing his lawn after dark<\/address>\n
and take out his pistol<\/address>\n
and shoot my babies?<\/address>\n
Deep breath:<\/address>\n
Inhale exhale one.<\/address>\n
Inhale exhale two.<\/address>\n
Oh god.
\n<\/address>\n
Someone let them out of the fence<\/address>\n
and a Ford F-150<\/address>\n
(inhale exhale three)
\n<\/address>\n
doing way more than 40mph<\/address>\n
tore them limb from limb.<\/address>\n
Inhale exhale four.<\/address>\n
God, grant me the fucking serenity<\/address>\n
to accept the fucking things<\/address>\n
I cannot fucking change.<\/address>\n
Inhale exhale five.
\n<\/address>\n
Who would have let them out of the fence?<\/address>\n
No!<\/address>\n
Someone took them!<\/address>\n
Someone saw<\/address>\n
their pit bull jaws<\/address>\n
and snatched them away<\/address>\n
to bully their way to dollars.<\/address>\n
Inhale exhale six.<\/address>\n
It takes one hundred<\/address>\n
deep breaths <\/address>\n
and untold catastrophic fantasies
\n<\/address>\n
to get from my school<\/address>\n
to my house<\/address>\n
to find that my dogs<\/address>\n
had been digging <\/address>\n
a hole <\/address>\n
in my yard.<\/address>\n
Fuck you, Barbara.
\n<\/address>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Amy, this is your neighbor Barbara. Call me back. It’s about your dogs. Bye.” Oh my god ohmygod OHMYGOD Options: calls: recent Number restricted Barbara, why didn’t you leave your number? Was it Charlie? Did that meth-head finally take a break from mowing his lawn after dark and take out his pistol and shoot my … Continue reading Inhale Exhale<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-animules"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=800"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":810,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800\/revisions\/810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}