{"id":7727,"date":"2014-02-20T09:41:52","date_gmt":"2014-02-20T14:41:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=7727"},"modified":"2014-02-20T14:32:21","modified_gmt":"2014-02-20T19:32:21","slug":"better-coffee-rockefellers-money-cant-buy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2014\/02\/20\/better-coffee-rockefellers-money-cant-buy\/","title":{"rendered":"Better Coffee Rockefeller’s Money Can’t Buy"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m so tired. So, so tired.\u00a0Like, same kind of tired as\u00a0back when I mainlined gluten<\/a>.\u00a0Could I be making a baby? <\/strong>How early in a pregnancy is the\u00a0<\/strong>begone-with-ye-I-must-sleep-for-a-fortnight feeling?<\/p>\n

Come to think of it, glutenday got away from me a bit this week—I’ve had bread several days in a row. :\/ Maybe that’s why I’m draggin ass?<\/p>\n

…Though it could be because my jerk-brain’s been rattling me conscious at 4:30am lately.<\/p>\n

…But it might be that I put the kibosh on caffeine the day of my insemination.<\/p>\n

…Or maybe<\/em>… maybe my body’s exhausted from growing a baby<\/em>. I don’t want to count any chickens though!<\/strong> (One… two… threefourfivesixseveneight.)<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

How long does it take to detox from caffeine? I’m dying. I’m dead. Put me in the ground so I don’t stink up the joint.<\/p>\n

Would it be so bad<\/em>? Just a little bit<\/em>? I spend the afternoon googling. From AmericanPregnancy.org:<\/p>\n

\"caffeine<\/a><\/p>\n

When I tell a friend at the gym about this dilemma, she mentions “the NASA study with the spiders”. What?<\/p>\n

I go home and look it up:<\/p>\n

\"spiders<\/a><\/p>\n

Mother of! I’d be better off toking.<\/p>\n

I decide to suffer through my fatigue. Woe.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

My resolve lasts 12 hours. Jerk-brain has roused me once again several hours before my already-obscene wakeup time, and I just can’t. just can’t. just can’t face the idea of molding the minds of 110 twelve-year-olds in the state I’m in. I make 3\/4 decaf and just 1\/4 caf, and tra la la, tra la la, and a heidy heidy ho! I feel like a million bucks!<\/p>\n

Wait. Does that mean it was caffeine-withdrawal and not baby-growing? Now I feel like two bucks. A two-dollar bill. Queer and not that useful.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Everyone keeps asking, “So?”<\/p>\n

I don’t know yet.<\/strong> Not-as-nice nurse<\/a> said to wait ’til Day 12 and, if I don’t get my period, to pee on a stick.<\/p>\n

It’s Day 8.<\/p>\n

Come on—BE DAY 12, BE DAY 12, BE DAY 12.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m so tired. So, so tired.\u00a0Like, same kind of tired as\u00a0back when I mainlined gluten.\u00a0Could I be making a baby? How early in a pregnancy is the\u00a0begone-with-ye-I-must-sleep-for-a-fortnight feeling? Come to think of it, glutenday got away from me a bit this week—I’ve had bread several days in a row. :\/ Maybe that’s why I’m draggin … Continue reading Better Coffee Rockefeller’s Money Can’t Buy<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7728,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[152],"class_list":["post-7727","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fambly","tag-baby-happy-pants"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7727","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7727"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7727\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7734,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7727\/revisions\/7734"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7728"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7727"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7727"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7727"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}