{"id":7650,"date":"2014-01-23T16:08:43","date_gmt":"2014-01-23T21:08:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=7650"},"modified":"2014-01-23T16:08:43","modified_gmt":"2014-01-23T21:08:43","slug":"fayshun-quest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/23\/fayshun-quest\/","title":{"rendered":"Fayshun Quest"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Let&#8217;s talk about fashion, because we haven&#8217;t done that in awhile.<\/p>\n<p>You may or may not have followed along in my recent quest.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>Me: OK, Ames, you need *boots* and you need a *purse*. You can do this. Go! Me: OR&#8230; Or you could go to the liiiiiibrary.<\/p>\n<p>\u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421678045963907072\">January 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I first went to several discount stores: Ross Dress for Less, TJ Maxx, etc. It was not going well.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>Is it possible to hate every purse that was ever made? Because I feel like maybe I hate every purse that was ever made.<\/p>\n<p>\u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421710707755732992\">January 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script charset=\"utf-8\" type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" async=\"\"><\/script>Eventually, I ended up at Macy&#8217;s, which seemed to be no better.\u00a0<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>\nMaybe I should start carrying a backpack again. (Cue Kate screaming at her screen.) \u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421710912723369984\">January 10, 2014<\/a>\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>\u00a0 The only half-decent ones I found were like 160 bucks. No. Absolutely not.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>\nPurses I won&#8217;t buy, part 1: those with a # &gt; than 0 in the hundreds place It&#8217;s a glorified bucket for my stuff. It&#8217;s a stuff bucket. Jesus. \u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421717405841494016\">January 10, 2014<\/a>\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script charset=\"utf-8\" type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" async=\"\"><\/script>I decided to head to other department stores.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>Mall walking. Still a thing. Who knew.<\/p>\n<p>\u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421725480161509376\">January 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>She was in a nylon track suit, no less!<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_7652\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-7652\" style=\"width: 240px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/track-suit.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-7652\" alt=\"Like this but red.\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/track-suit.jpg\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" srcset=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/track-suit.jpg 240w, https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/track-suit-225x300.jpg 225w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-7652\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Like this but red. It was delightful.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>Purses I won&#8217;t buy, part 2: any with tassels I&#8217;m not Annie fucking Oakley.<\/p>\n<p>\u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421726827002855424\">January 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>My gay husband <a href=\"http:\/\/crossfitpaul.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Paul<\/a> reminded me that Gypsy Rose Lee, too, wore tassels. That was a good point. I told him I&#8217;d buy a tassel-less purse and some sassy pasties.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>Purses I won&#8217;t buy, part 3: this purse &lt;hork&gt; <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/vILsX5oqHh\">pic.twitter.com\/vILsX5oqHh<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421727816795688960\">January 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script charset=\"utf-8\" type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" async=\"\"><\/script>Seriously, gross.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>\nPurses I won&#8217;t buy, part 4: ones with gold accents What am I&#8211;fancy? <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/O1LuJ1nLe9\">pic.twitter.com\/O1LuJ1nLe9<\/a> \u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421734436015996928\">January 10, 2014<\/a>\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script charset=\"utf-8\" type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" async=\"\"><\/script>Indeed, there were a number of problems with that purse.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\"><p>Purses I won&#8217;t buy, part 5: any of these <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/dFFReYRPTi\">pic.twitter.com\/dFFReYRPTi<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421735505198190592\">January 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script charset=\"&quot;utf\" type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" async=\"\">\/\/ <![CDATA[\n\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n\nStuff bucket purchased. $30.96. <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/lOvjrfzz2f\">pic.twitter.com\/lOvjrfzz2f<\/a>\n\n&mdash; Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/avidbruxist\/statuses\/421757818979745792\">January 10, 2014<\/a>\n\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\">\n\/\/ ]]><\/script><\/p>\n<p>Finally, I hit Sears--yes, Sears--and the first one I picked up was from a designer with the same name as my sister. Fate.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/purse-purchased.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7654\" alt=\"purse purchased\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/purse-purchased.png\" width=\"585\" height=\"453\" srcset=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/purse-purchased.png 585w, https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/purse-purchased-300x232.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 585px) 100vw, 585px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>You may be wondering why I needed boots, given that last year I bought tall boots and short boots. Well. The <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2012\/12\/30\/what-not-to-wear\/\" target=\"_blank\">tall boots<\/a>, which I loved so much, are wicked uncomfortable. They just barely zip around my calves. It's like wearing calf-tourniquets all day. Plus, <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/03\/20\/fayshun-amy-goes-rogue-and-it-doesnt-go-that-well\/\" target=\"_blank\">as I mentioned<\/a>, they're so tall, the tops dig into my inner thigh fat. So I never wear them.<\/p>\n<p>I loved the short boots and <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/01\/17\/wherein-amy-learns-to-dress-herself\/\" target=\"_blank\">used to wear them all the time<\/a>. Used to.<\/p>\n<p>See, Violet does this thing when she's nervous. She collects my shoes and bras. Doesn't chew them; just puts them in her bed or snuggles with them on the couch. I often come home from work to find a shoe, a slipper, a flip-flop, and\/or a brassiere next to a warm spot on the chaise.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_7665\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-7665\" style=\"width: 450px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_8232-e1390444566581.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-7665\" alt=\"Look closely at the top right and bottom left. You can see her shadow against the wall.\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_8232-e1390444566581.jpg\" width=\"450\" height=\"450\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-7665\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Look closely at the top right and bottom left. You can see her shadow against the wall.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_8235-e1390444552125.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7664\" alt=\"IMG_8235\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_8235-e1390444552125.jpg\" width=\"450\" height=\"450\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"line-height: 1.5em;\">Annoying to have to go around the house, gather my footwear, and toss my undergarments back in the hamper, but I can't get mad at her because<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_7662\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-7662\" style=\"width: 485px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_7472.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-7662\" alt=\"IMG_7472\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_7472-e1390444533105.jpg\" width=\"485\" height=\"650\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-7662\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">she soooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuute.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>And besides, she never chewed them.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_7661\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-7661\" style=\"width: 650px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_7642.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-7661\" alt=\"IMG_7642\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/IMG_7642-e1390443784760.jpg\" width=\"650\" height=\"485\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-7661\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">MOTHERF<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>She must've been <em>real<\/em> nervous that day. So long, short boots.<\/p>\n<p>The good news is, I went to DSW and found the same exact ones, except they didn't have them in brown, so I bought black. Fine, since I can't wear my black tall boots anyway because torture.<\/p>\n<p>But now I need brown boots. Maybe brown tall boots? That don't boa-constrict or jam themselves into my laygs?<\/p>\n<p>I'm exhausted just thinking about it.<\/p>\n<p>Also, Kate told me to buy<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_7671\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-7671\" style=\"width: 600px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/old-navy-vintage-v-neck-tees-e1339769894199.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-7671\" alt=\"Old Navy t-shirts\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/old-navy-vintage-v-neck-tees-e1339769894199.jpg\" width=\"600\" height=\"375\" srcset=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/old-navy-vintage-v-neck-tees-e1339769894199.jpg 600w, https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/old-navy-vintage-v-neck-tees-e1339769894199-300x187.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-7671\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Old Navy t-shirts<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>in a variety of colors, you know, for layering with cardigans\/jackets\/whatnot. So I did.<\/p>\n<p>...It's possible I've done less of the <em>layering<\/em> and more of the <em>just wearing them with jeans and calling it a day<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Also, I haven't worn a skirt yet this school year.<\/p>\n<p>&lt;cowers, covers head&gt;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Let&#8217;s talk about fashion, because we haven&#8217;t done that in awhile. You may or may not have followed along in my recent quest. Me: OK, Ames, you need *boots* and you need a *purse*. You can do this. Go! Me: OR&#8230; Or you could go to the liiiiiibrary. \u2014 Avid Bruxist (@avidbruxist) January 10, 2014 &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/23\/fayshun-quest\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Fayshun Quest<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7652,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[125,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7650","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fayshun","category-first-world-problems"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7650","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7650"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7650\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7672,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7650\/revisions\/7672"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7650"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7650"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7650"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}