{"id":7547,"date":"2013-10-30T17:32:30","date_gmt":"2013-10-30T21:32:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=7547"},"modified":"2013-10-30T17:32:30","modified_gmt":"2013-10-30T21:32:30","slug":"sperm-committee-update","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/10\/30\/sperm-committee-update\/","title":{"rendered":"Sperm Committee Update"},"content":{"rendered":"

We’re making progress. There have been no fierce debates, no up-or-down votes, but a couple people have put forth preferences, and we’ve discussed a few medical logistics.<\/p>\n

And it has been tremendously validating—I shared 21 profiles (pared down from more than 75 that I looked through), and several committee members were like, “Wow, yeah, I can see why you were overwhelmed.”<\/p>\n

First of all, the cryobank writes the profiles like Restoration Hardware catalog blurbs. I keep expecting to find a donor that was carved out of salvaged railroad trestles.<\/p>\n

And the writers go heavy on the ol’ double-adjective initial appositive:<\/p>\n

“Hard-working and determined, he never lets obstacles stand in his way…”
\n“Social and outgoing, he makes sure to get the most out of life…”
\n“Funny and imaginative, his great smile is as warm and engaging as he is…”
\n“Driven and intelligent, he plans to earn his PhD…”<\/p>\n

Repetitive and off-putting, it doesn’t make for compelling reading.<\/p>\n

Also, how do I weight the height, educational level, and hair color? Do they all get equal points?<\/p>\n

One committee member who listed “great with large data sets” in the\u00a0Special Skills<\/a>\u00a0section of his BBSSC Application said he could make a spreadsheet. That might help.<\/p>\n

But actually, now that I think about it, what if I don’t really care about any of those criteria? Do I just print out the profiles, pin them to the wall, and throw a dart?<\/p>\n

There’s one donor I’m drawn to but probably only because the handle they assigned him is Mr. Happy Pants.<\/p>\n

(sigh)<\/p>\n

And I’m still bummed about doing this having-a-baby thing by myself. I KNOW, I KNOW, people fall in love later.\u00a0I just…\u00a0I’m having a hard time believing it’s going to happen to me.<\/p>\n

Because I have a terrible dating track record.<\/p>\n

And because I’ll have a kid that’s not his.<\/p>\n

But also because my 38-year-old carcass is not gonna bounce back<\/em> from this business. Even before pregnancy, my soul-vehicle has never been that great—it always kinda looked like it suckled a couple litters.\u00a0After three years of hard work in the gym (I’m in the best shape of my life—I even have\u00a0a muscle<\/a>), it looks like maybe only one litter.<\/p>\n

And now<\/p>\n

\"wreck<\/a><\/p>\n

without a man I love having born witness.<\/p>\n

[I KNOW THAT THE BODY IS NOT THE ONLY THING DUDES ARE INTO WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN, BUT I’VE HEARD TELL THEY LIKE IT.]<\/p>\n

I guess I just have to hope that the dude I meet later on can tolerate my ineptitude with intimacy, digs my bastard kid, and is really, really turned on by my soul.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We’re making progress. There have been no fierce debates, no up-or-down votes, but a couple people have put forth preferences, and we’ve discussed a few medical logistics. And it has been tremendously validating—I shared 21 profiles (pared down from more than 75 that I looked through), and several committee members were like, “Wow, yeah, I … Continue reading Sperm Committee Update<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7548,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7547","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-first-world-problems"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7547","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7547"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7547\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7560,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7547\/revisions\/7560"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7548"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7547"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7547"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7547"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}