{"id":7534,"date":"2013-10-15T20:41:21","date_gmt":"2013-10-16T00:41:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=7534"},"modified":"2013-10-15T20:41:21","modified_gmt":"2013-10-16T00:41:21","slug":"girls-only-want-sperm-committee-members-who-have-great-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/10\/15\/girls-only-want-sperm-committee-members-who-have-great-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"Girls Only Want Sperm Committee Members Who Have Great Skills"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The applications are flooding&#8212;<em>flooding<\/em>&#8212;in for the <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/10\/13\/motion-to-disqualify-the-iggy-pop-look-alike-whose-paternal-grandmother-had-polydactylism\/\">Baby Bruxist Spooj-Selection Committee<\/a>. <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2012\/11\/11\/pura-vida\/\">Shiv<\/a> told me I have a very vigorous screening process, which I do! I have to! Listen to some of the great skills of the applicants:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>dodgeball winning;<\/li>\n<li>untying knots;<\/li>\n<li>Humpty Dancing;<\/li>\n<li>joining things (like clubs and causes, not like dovetailing wood); and<\/li>\n<li>poignantly crying.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Also, one guy says he has an in with an anesthesiologist, so he can probably get me some Class C drugs for the delivery. That baby&#8217;ll slither out, and I won&#8217;t even know it happened!<\/p>\n<p>My sister nominated herself as committee chair, and I seconded the motion.\u00a0All in favor? Aye.\u00a0All opposed? &lt;crickets&gt; SHUT UP, CRICKETS&#8212;NOBODY ASKED YOU. YOUR VOTE DOESN&#8217;T COUNT.<\/p>\n<p>Motion passes.<\/p>\n<p>Crowdsourcing my pregnancy is probably the greatest decision I ever made.<\/p>\n<p>If you haven&#8217;t gotten your application in yet, there&#8217;s still time, but act fast&#8212;I can feel my ovaries withering inside me.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_7535\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-7535\" style=\"width: 200px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/Burger-King-bathroom.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-7535\" alt=\"(Note for Mom &amp; Dad: This is a song lyric. I've never had sex in the WC of a fast food restaurant.)\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/Burger-King-bathroom.jpg\" width=\"200\" height=\"195\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-7535\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">(Note for Mom &amp; Dad: This is a song lyric. I&#8217;ve never had sex in the WC of a fast food restaurant.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The applications are flooding&#8212;flooding&#8212;in for the Baby Bruxist Spooj-Selection Committee. Shiv told me I have a very vigorous screening process, which I do! I have to! Listen to some of the great skills of the applicants: dodgeball winning; untying knots; Humpty Dancing; joining things (like clubs and causes, not like dovetailing wood); and poignantly crying. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/10\/15\/girls-only-want-sperm-committee-members-who-have-great-skills\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Girls Only Want Sperm Committee Members Who Have Great Skills<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7535,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fambly","category-first-world-problems"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7534","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7534"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7534\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7536,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7534\/revisions\/7536"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7535"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}