{"id":7518,"date":"2013-10-03T09:15:38","date_gmt":"2013-10-03T13:15:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=7518"},"modified":"2013-10-03T09:15:38","modified_gmt":"2013-10-03T13:15:38","slug":"the-trip-back-nearly-broke-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/10\/03\/the-trip-back-nearly-broke-him\/","title":{"rendered":"The Trip Back Nearly Broke Him"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/09\/21\/from-the-man-who-needs-no-introduction\/\">Dad<\/a>, discussing where we should stop for a bathroom break: There&#8217;s a Wal-mart up here, but Wal-mart&#8217;s shittoirs are always jammed with people.<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>Dad: &#8230;That story evoked no mirth from you whatsoever.<\/p>\n<p>[No, but that phrase did.]<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>Dad: (battling with the seat belt) GODDAMMIT.<br \/>\nMe: No, don&#8217;t yank on it, Dad. You&#8217;re making it do the opposite of what you want it to do.<br \/>\nDad: (in a sing-song tone) But I get very angry.<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s 81 degrees and sunny.<\/p>\n<p>Dad: Fucking winter again.<br \/>\nMe: It&#8217;s fall!<br \/>\nDad: But it&#8217;s coming.<br \/>\nMe: Not right <em>now<\/em>. It&#8217;s Indian summer. Gorgeous. Enjoy it!<br \/>\nDad: Yeah, my ass hurts.<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>Dad: Oh my ass.<br \/>\nMe: I&#8217;m trying to find a gas station on this side of the road so we can get out and stretch.<br \/>\nDad: That&#8217;s nice. I&#8217;m not complaining. I&#8217;m just saying, &#8220;Oh my ass.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>Dad, when we stopped at a truck stop in southern Virginia that he&#8217;d never been to: Discovery! I feel like Vasco de Gama!<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>Dad: (to Violet, in the other room) I don&#8217;t even need food right now&#8230; I need purpose.<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>Dad: Wait a minute. I need to take my Prilosec. Yoohoooooooooo, Prilosec!<\/p>\n<p>**********<\/p>\n<p>Dad, on our walk: The best thing I could do would be to lie down. In the back of an ambulance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dad, discussing where we should stop for a bathroom break: There&#8217;s a Wal-mart up here, but Wal-mart&#8217;s shittoirs are always jammed with people. ********** Dad: &#8230;That story evoked no mirth from you whatsoever. [No, but that phrase did.] ********** Dad: (battling with the seat belt) GODDAMMIT. Me: No, don&#8217;t yank on it, Dad. You&#8217;re making &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/10\/03\/the-trip-back-nearly-broke-him\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">The Trip Back Nearly Broke Him<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7518","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fambly"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7518","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7518"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7518\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7519,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7518\/revisions\/7519"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7518"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7518"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7518"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}