{"id":7339,"date":"2013-08-08T21:28:54","date_gmt":"2013-08-09T01:28:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=7339"},"modified":"2013-08-08T21:28:54","modified_gmt":"2013-08-09T01:28:54","slug":"the-light-the-heat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/08\/08\/the-light-the-heat\/","title":{"rendered":"The Light, the Heat"},"content":{"rendered":"

A while ago, my friends were trying to teach me how to make eye contact with people I don’t know, like at bars and parties and stuff. (IT TAKES A VILLAGE, PEOPLE).<\/p>\n

They said:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Look around.<\/li>\n
  2. If you catch someone’s eye—someone you think is attractive—hold his gaze.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I said, “How long? Like one-Mississippi?”<\/p>\n

    They said a few Mississippis.<\/p>\n

    I said, “Then what?”<\/p>\n

    They launched into some complicated instructions about looking down, or away, for a few seconds and looking back.<\/p>\n

    With a half-smile. I forgot about the half-smile—the half-smile’s important, they said.<\/p>\n

    If he’s still looking when you look back, it’s a good sign.<\/p>\n

    I tried, but I kept forgetting to do step 1.<\/p>\n

    Occasionally, I’d stumble into step 2, and<\/p>\n

    \"Formal<\/a>
    (I’m the coffee-thrower in this scenario, of course.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    I asked my friends how to do the whole eye contact thing, if I can’t fucking do the eye contact thing.<\/p>\n

    “Alcohol,” they all said. Blech.<\/p>\n

    That’s the problem with being a compulsive overeater. My<\/em> drug doesn’t make me want to take off my pants and rub up on somebody.<\/p>\n

    My<\/em> drug\u00a0makes me want to take off my pants and watch Orange Is the New Black<\/em> on the couch with the dogs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    A while ago, my friends were trying to teach me how to make eye contact with people I don’t know, like at bars and parties and stuff. (IT TAKES A VILLAGE, PEOPLE). They said: Look around. If you catch someone’s eye—someone you think is attractive—hold his gaze. I said, “How long? Like one-Mississippi?” They said … Continue reading The Light, the Heat<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7340,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7339","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-call-me-crazy","category-dating"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7339","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7339"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7339\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7361,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7339\/revisions\/7361"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7340"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7339"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7339"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7339"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}