{"id":7247,"date":"2013-07-04T11:33:39","date_gmt":"2013-07-04T15:33:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=7247"},"modified":"2013-07-04T11:36:02","modified_gmt":"2013-07-04T15:36:02","slug":"road-trip-soundtrack-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/07\/04\/road-trip-soundtrack-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Road Trip Soundtrack, Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s the 4th of July, and I <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/07\/03\/road-trip-soundtrack-part-2\/\">promised you &#8216;Murrica<\/a>, so I&#8217;ll start with Track 9, &#8220;Watching You&#8221; by Rodney Atkins:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/oqYUns2YQik\" height=\"315\" width=\"560\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>You heard right.<\/p>\n<p><em>Drivin\u2019 through town just my boy and me<\/em><br \/>\n<em> With a Happy Meal in his booster seat<\/em><br \/>\n<em> Knowin\u2019 that he couldn\u2019t have the toy \u2018til his nuggets were gone.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Thank god he&#8217;s teaching his young son that he&#8217;ll get a prize when he ingests all of his toxic meat-byproduct bites. Good parenting.<\/p>\n<p>Oh, and isn&#8217;t that <em>hilarious<\/em>, how the boy says, &#8220;Shit,&#8221; because he wants to be just like his <em>dad<\/em>? That&#8217;s hilarious!<\/p>\n<p>Now, did you listen to the whole song? You really need to. Right after he said, &#8220;We got back home and I went to the barn [course he did]\/I bowed my head and I prayed real hard,&#8221; I was like, &#8220;Oh no. Oh NO. NO THE KID&#8217;S GONNA SEE HIM PRAYING AND THEN PRAY JUST LIKE HIM AAAAAAAAHHHH HELP ME MY EARS.&#8221; And that&#8217;s exactly what happened.<\/p>\n<p>Worst.<\/p>\n<p>Actually, I\u00a0<em>thought<\/em> it was the Worst. It&#8217;s not the Worst. The Worst, found when I landed on another country station, is Track 10 by the same jackass called&#8212;can you guess? I bet you can guess. That&#8217;s right. It&#8217;s called &#8220;It&#8217;s America&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/vLqbV-lj-6k\" height=\"315\" width=\"420\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>I mean, aside from the banal melody and the grating hyperbolic hur-hur-hur of his Southern (patriotic) accent, there&#8217;s the lyric.\u00a0Do you want to know what America is? I&#8217;ll tell you. It&#8217;s:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"line-height: 13px;\">a high school prom (by which he means, teen pregnancy after abstinence-only education);<\/span><\/li>\n<li>a Springsteen song (wonder how Bruce feels about being name-checked here);<\/li>\n<li>a ride in a Chevrolet (funny, I still <em>feel<\/em> American when I drive my Mazda);<\/li>\n<li>a man on the moon (is this our most recent victory?);<\/li>\n<li>fireflies in June (fuck you, Alaska&#8212;where are your June lightning bugs?!);<\/li>\n<li>kids selling lemonade (capitalism!);<\/li>\n<li>cities (them places with liberals?)\u00a0and farms;<\/li>\n<li>open arms (aw, hugs!);<\/li>\n<li>a kid with a chance (unless you&#8217;re born poor and\/or of color lol);<\/li>\n<li>a rock and roll band (he&#8217;s probably thinking Creed);<\/li>\n<li>a farmer cuttin hay (sure);<\/li>\n<li>a big flag flyin&#8217; in the summer wind over a fallen hero&#8217;s grave (there it is); and<\/li>\n<li>(most importantly) one nation under Gaaaaaaaaawd.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>At one point, Atkins sings about how grateful he is to live in America after he witnesses people collecting canned tuna for &#8220;twister&#8221; victims. Because did you know that in other countries nobody does that? If your yurt gets swept away by a tsunami anywhere outside the U.S. borders, people (<em>foreigners<\/em>)\u00a0just stand there and buff their nails. That&#8217;s all those ferners do is buff their fucking nails.<\/p>\n<p>He does admit &#8220;we might not always get it right&#8221; in one line. One line. He dedicates <em>one line<\/em> to: slavery, the displacement of Native peoples, Jim Crow, eugenics, Japanese internment, corporate personhood, Monsanto, fracking, and Michele Bachmann.<\/p>\n<p>But you know what? There&#8217;s nowhere he&#8217;d rather build his life.<\/p>\n<p>You could change absolutely nothing about this song except have Jim Carrey sing it, and it would be a parody.<\/p>\n<p>I wanted to put my car into the Susquehanna.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, there were also Tracks 11-14:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/A_5XQP3U5ak\" height=\"315\" width=\"420\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Bonnie,<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/m239buRzHPg\" height=\"315\" width=\"560\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Shumann&#8217;s Symphony No. 1 in B Flat,<\/p>\n<p>Prince squealing &#8220;Ain&#8217;t no particular sign I&#8217;m more compatible with!&#8221;,<\/p>\n<p>and the new one by Daft Punk,<\/p>\n<p>so I kep on truckin. Through America.<\/p>\n<p>\/endroadtrip\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s the 4th of July, and I promised you &#8216;Murrica, so I&#8217;ll start with Track 9, &#8220;Watching You&#8221; by Rodney Atkins: You heard right. Drivin\u2019 through town just my boy and me With a Happy Meal in his booster seat Knowin\u2019 that he couldn\u2019t have the toy \u2018til his nuggets were gone. Thank god he&#8217;s &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2013\/07\/04\/road-trip-soundtrack-part-3\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Road Trip Soundtrack, Part 3<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,21],"tags":[146,141,142,144,145,143,140],"class_list":["post-7247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random","category-whats-making-me-happy","tag-america","tag-barf","tag-bonnie-raitt","tag-daft-punk","tag-fourth-of-july","tag-prince","tag-rodney-atkins"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7247"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7270,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7247\/revisions\/7270"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}