Yesterday, my sister and I were walking around the park near my house.\u00a0 She had her three young’ns, I my two hounds.\u00a0 The ground was really slushy, but for the first time in days, the sun shone in the sky, and I felt comfortable walking in my yoga pants and hoodie.\u00a0 A few folks had the same idea as we did:\u00a0 kids scampered up and down the play structure and squealed; a woman speed-walked on the paved loop; and three skateboarding high-schoolers stood yakking in front of the water fountains.<\/p>\n
I was only somewhat aware of the teens, until I was loading the dogs up into the back of my car.\u00a0 I had my back to them when I heard one of them say, “Look at that FAT ass.”\u00a0 I turned to see him staring at me, smiling, with bright eyes.\u00a0 Another of the boys took off on his skateboard, yelling, “My DICK wants to be in THAT.”<\/p>\n
So here’s what I did.\u00a0 I shook my head, gave them a withering look, and said, “Pathetic.”<\/p>\n
Wait, no.\u00a0 I walked over and excoriated them with Shakespearean insults.<\/p>\n
No, no.\u00a0 That’s not it.\u00a0 I beckoned sexily to the first speaker, only to knee him in the balls, grab him by the hair, and smash his skull against the picnic table.<\/p>\n
Oh, wait.\u00a0 No, I remember.\u00a0 I didn’t say a thing, maneuvered my body around my car such that I was out of their line of sight, went home, and binge ate.\u00a0 That’s right.\u00a0 That’s what I did.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday, my sister and I were walking around the park near my house.\u00a0 She had her three young’ns, I my two hounds.\u00a0 The ground was really slushy, but for the first time in days, the sun shone in the sky, and I felt comfortable walking in my yoga pants and hoodie.\u00a0 A few folks had … Continue reading Well Played!<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-645","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/645","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=645"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/645\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":648,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/645\/revisions\/648"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=645"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=645"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=645"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}