{"id":5503,"date":"2012-10-07T16:24:30","date_gmt":"2012-10-07T20:24:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=5503"},"modified":"2012-10-29T16:51:47","modified_gmt":"2012-10-29T20:51:47","slug":"can-you-even-dye-my-eyes-to-match-my-gown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2012\/10\/07\/can-you-even-dye-my-eyes-to-match-my-gown\/","title":{"rendered":"Can You Even Dye My Eyes to Match My Gown?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I totally forgot on Retrobruxist Friday that I was going to implement a new feature to help me get over the idea that I might look repulsive on the internet: Embarrassing Photo of the Week.<\/p>\n<p>Well, I&#8217;m here to remedy that situation right now. I was going to take another <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=5279\">jacked-up pic<\/a> of myself with Photo Booth, but! I jogged up to Boone this weekend to visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.autumnatoz.com\/\">The Land of Oz<\/a>\u00a0with my dad and brother\/fam,\u00a0an annual debacle of a trip about which I will have to write one of these days, and I ended up in the family room, sifting through old photo albums and taking pictures of pictures.<\/p>\n<p>Let me preface this photo by saying that my mom is an excellent seamstress. Growing up, whatever I asked for, she made, including the <strong>7th grade prom dress<\/strong> you&#8217;re about to see. She would take me to the fabric store, and we would flop through giant <em>McCall&#8217;s<\/em> and <em>Simplicity<\/em> pattern books together. I&#8217;d point to The Dress, whereupon we would wind through the stacks of bolts until I zeroed in on the exact right fabric.<\/p>\n<p>Some notes about this magnum opus:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Yes, that is a double bubble-skirt. Shut up. It was very much the fashion at the time.<\/li>\n<li>If you click the photo and see it bigger, you might think that the white fabric has tiny black polka dots on it, but you&#8217;d be wrong &#8212; those are tiny\u00a0<em>hearts<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li>No, it&#8217;s not the lighting; my legs are indeed seven shades darker than my arms. That&#8217;s because I&#8217;m wearing dancers&#8217; tights. I didn&#8217;t own panty hose, and these were in the days before one went bare-legged to such occasions.<\/li>\n<li>Yes, that pony-tail holder is made of the same fabric as the giant bow on my ass. (I told you my mom would do whatever I asked of her.)<\/li>\n<li>But most importantly, really, seriously,<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<figure id=\"attachment_5504\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5504\" style=\"width: 223px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/IMG_2615.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-5504\" title=\"IMG_2615\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/IMG_2615-223x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"223\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/IMG_2615-223x300.jpg 223w, https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/IMG_2615-764x1024.jpg 764w, https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/IMG_2615.jpg 1935w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 223px) 100vw, 223px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-5504\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">look at my hand.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Hahahaha. I can&#8217;t believe I didn&#8217;t take up modeling.<\/p>\n<p>On a sober note, I&#8217;ve always said\/thought that I&#8217;ve been a fatty since forever. It&#8217;s clear from this picture that I was not fat in 7th grade. I really did start putting on weight in 8th grade and gained 50 pounds by the end of <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=1386\">my year in Italy<\/a>, but what&#8217;s interesting is, I truly thought of myself at the time as a fat girl.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know why. Maybe it&#8217;s because it was the thing to do for middle school girls. Maybe it&#8217;s because I had been <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=1601\">binge-eating for so long<\/a> that I just assumed.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, back to important things:<\/p>\n<p>(a) This dress is still in the closet upstairs in case anybody wants to borrow it.<\/p>\n<p>(b) Next week: 8th grade prom dress.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I totally forgot on Retrobruxist Friday that I was going to implement a new feature to help me get over the idea that I might look repulsive on the internet: Embarrassing Photo of the Week. Well, I&#8217;m here to remedy that situation right now. I was going to take another jacked-up pic of myself with &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2012\/10\/07\/can-you-even-dye-my-eyes-to-match-my-gown\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Can You Even Dye My Eyes to Match My Gown?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,8],"tags":[73,83,72,71,70,69],"class_list":["post-5503","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-call-me-crazy","category-fambly","tag-body-image","tag-embarrassing-photo-of-the-week","tag-homemade-dresses","tag-middle-school","tag-pictures-of-pictures","tag-prom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5503","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5503"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5503\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5639,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5503\/revisions\/5639"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5503"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5503"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5503"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}