{"id":52,"date":"2009-09-01T01:02:49","date_gmt":"2009-09-01T01:02:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=52"},"modified":"2009-09-01T01:02:49","modified_gmt":"2009-09-01T01:02:49","slug":"are-you-there-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2009\/09\/01\/are-you-there-god\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You There, God?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>On Saturday, I came <em>this close<\/em> to putting &#8220;Today I&#8217;m a real woman&#8221; as my facebook status.\u00a0 But I knew people would think I had either gotten my period or lost my virginity, neither of which has happened yet of course.\u00a0 What did happen on Saturday evening was I had my first shopping experience at Lane Bryant.\u00a0 And <em>they<\/em> told me I was a Real Woman, or at least that I had earned Real Woman Dollars, and I figure you can&#8217;t really earn the Dollars if you&#8217;re a Pretend Woman.<\/p>\n<p>My friend Eve convinced me to go to Lane Bryant because we&#8217;re built the same way* and she has fashion sense and I don&#8217;t and she shops there.\u00a0 My experience was wholly satisfactory.\u00a0 They didn&#8217;t harass me about how many items I wanted to take into the dressing room.\u00a0 When they didn&#8217;t have something in my size, they ordered it and shipped it free to my house.\u00a0 Best of all, according to them, I&#8217;m a <strong>Size 2 Petite Red<\/strong>!\u00a0 (In a regular store, that would translate as a<strong> Size 16 Hobbit with a Ghetto Booty<\/strong>&#8220;.)<\/p>\n<p>*Eve is not a Hobbit.\u00a0 She&#8217;s an admirable 5&#8217;6&#8221;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On Saturday, I came this close to putting &#8220;Today I&#8217;m a real woman&#8221; as my facebook status.\u00a0 But I knew people would think I had either gotten my period or lost my virginity, neither of which has happened yet of course.\u00a0 What did happen on Saturday evening was I had my first shopping experience at &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2009\/09\/01\/are-you-there-god\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Are You There, God?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=52"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":54,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions\/54"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=52"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=52"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=52"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}