{"id":515,"date":"2010-01-18T17:12:33","date_gmt":"2010-01-18T22:12:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=515"},"modified":"2010-01-18T17:12:33","modified_gmt":"2010-01-18T22:12:33","slug":"beast-vs-comfort-furniture","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2010\/01\/18\/beast-vs-comfort-furniture\/","title":{"rendered":"Beast vs. Comfort Furniture"},"content":{"rendered":"

A couple months ago, Heather, Erika<\/a>, and I went to the TROSA furniture store on Foster Street in Durham.\u00a0 It was complete bedlam because the Duke students had just gotten back, and they were clamoring to find cheap furniture with which to outfit their dorm rooms and frat houses.\u00a0 Everything that was remotely nice or hip or functional already had a ‘sold’ sign on it.\u00a0 I was about to give up on the furniture and just see how many hipsters I could elbow on the way out, but my friends and I made a pass through the upstairs room first.\u00a0 And I found an awesome chair.\u00a0 An old-ass, yellowy green easy chair, in surprisingly good shape, that squeaked when you rocked it.\u00a0 Perfect for my old-ass house.\u00a0 Best of all, forty bucks!\u00a0 Except it was half-off.\u00a0 Twenty bucks!<\/p>\n

I brought it home, and Maxwell<\/a> took immediately to the seat back, especially when the late-afternoon sun slanted in.\u00a0 Redford loved the chair itself.\u00a0 When he was boisterous, it gave him pretty easy access to Maxwell.\u00a0 When he was tuckered out, he’d curl up in it, his head flopped over the arm.<\/p>\n

Now, here’s the thing about Redford:\u00a0 he shreds.\u00a0 And not the good kind of shredding.\u00a0 No lightning-fast guitar riffs.\u00a0 No adept cutbacks on a surfboard.\u00a0 Not even destroying documents with which someone might ruin my credit.\u00a0 I mean savagely ripping apart<\/em> perfectly good towels, blankets, and pillows<\/a>.\u00a0 It’s kind of cute, actually.\u00a0 You can practically see him thinking, “I’ll get you, varmint!”\u00a0 And he’ll snatch the item up in his teeth and whip his head back and forth, deftly breaking its neck, before stopping, dizzy, and staggering into my CD rack.<\/p>\n

Well, Redford had tried a couple of times to kill the cushion of the green chair, but I always managed to wrest it from his fierce jaws before he did any serious damage.\u00a0 That’s why, when I came home from work the other day, I didn’t really understand what I was seeing.\u00a0 The chair’s cushion was destroyed…and Redford was locked safely away in his kennel.\u00a0 At first, I thought Violet had done it.<\/p>\n

Now, here’s the thing about Violet:\u00a0 she shreds, but only old magazines, completed crosswords, and tags that have been pulled off new items of clothing.\u00a0 And she doesn’t even do that very often.\u00a0 Mostly, she just collects my footwear<\/a> and snuggles with it on the couch or in my bed.<\/p>\n

But there was no denying, the green chair’s cushion had been maimed—the upholstery ripped completely off, bits of fabric and foam littering the living room floor.\u00a0 That’s when I noticed that all the foam bits lay around Redford’s kennel, the upholstery was inside<\/em> Redford’s kennel.<\/p>\n

That little bastard had stuck his little bastard-paw or little bastard-snout through the wire of the cage and somehow ripped my chair’s cushion to bits.<\/p>\n

Either that, or Violet is up to some very tricky shit.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Redford, on the temporary replacement cushion...a pillow from my bed<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A couple months ago, Heather, Erika, and I went to the TROSA furniture store on Foster Street in Durham.\u00a0 It was complete bedlam because the Duke students had just gotten back, and they were clamoring to find cheap furniture with which to outfit their dorm rooms and frat houses.\u00a0 Everything that was remotely nice or … Continue reading Beast vs. Comfort Furniture<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-animules","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=515"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/515\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":520,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/515\/revisions\/520"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}