{"id":4701,"date":"2012-07-01T14:06:23","date_gmt":"2012-07-01T18:06:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=4701"},"modified":"2016-10-26T20:41:16","modified_gmt":"2016-10-27T00:41:16","slug":"the-end-of-the-road","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2012\/07\/01\/the-end-of-the-road\/","title":{"rendered":"The End of the Road"},"content":{"rendered":"

As it did last year, the journey with my father<\/a> and dogs had a second leg. Here’s some of his wisdom from the vacation and the trip back down south.<\/p>\n

Dad: (to my brother-in-law) You’re wearing Levi’s. I have Faded Glory. In more ways than one.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: (paraphrasing Macbeth to my mother when his sciatic nerve<\/a> started jangling his toes) Oh, full of scorpions are my boots, dear wife!<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: (looking into the freezer at the store) What ever happened to strawberry<\/em> ice cream? Nowadays it’s all “Moose Tracks” and “Bear Turds”.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: (coughing a totally normal-sounding cough) I keep hoping this is hay fever and not the end of the road.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: I’ll buy whatever you want for dinner. We could go to a half-decent place. Even a decent place.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: (as we pass a gas station in Virginia) $2.99 a gallon?!… (holds out his closed hand) That’s worthy of a fist bump.<\/p>\n

[If you don’t know him, this one might not be that funny, but my siblings will find it hilarious. Short version: My father has a tremendous loathing for pop culture. (Also, he pronounced every letter in “fist bump”.)]<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: You never have to fear when you’re traveling with Leighton Scott’s wallet.<\/p>\n

[My dad is not a rich man. And he regularly loses his wallet.]<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: (as we listen to the Cool Classics radio station) When are they going to make some music that sounds\u00a0different<\/em>? This all sounds\u00a0the same<\/em>… ‘Course it all sounds good when you’re stoned<\/em>.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: I don’t know why I’m doing this. I know where Hartford is. (looks in atlas) Yep, right in the middle of fucking Connecticut.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: I have no problems. Even if I worked for the carnival for $45 a week. Until my clothes rotted off. Then I’d be arrested for indecent exposure.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: (as I look at the GPS on \u00a0my phone) What are you doing? Playing Tetris?<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: What kind of twerp would buy a Volvo?<\/p>\n

Me: Didn’t we have a Volvo?<\/p>\n

Dad: Yes, we were that kind of twerp.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad: (after eating a plate of bacon [“This stuff is great for you!”] and spicy homefries from the Whole Foods buffet) You don’t suppose they sell any healthy Tums<\/em> in here, do you?<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

My kitchen table, which was admittedly rickety before, collapsed after dad got up from it.<\/p>\n

Dad: Well, I’ve done a lot of positive things today. I fed your dogs… I let you sleep in… I did wreck your kitchen table though.<\/p>\n

Love you, Dad. Even when you wreck my kitchen table.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As it did last year, the journey with my father and dogs had a second leg. Here’s some of his wisdom from the vacation and the trip back down south. Dad: (to my brother-in-law) You’re wearing Levi’s. I have Faded Glory. In more ways than one. … Dad: (paraphrasing Macbeth to my mother when his … Continue reading The End of the Road<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fambly"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4701"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4701\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8262,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4701\/revisions\/8262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}