{"id":4694,"date":"2012-06-19T20:02:54","date_gmt":"2012-06-20T00:02:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=4694"},"modified":"2012-06-19T20:02:54","modified_gmt":"2012-06-20T00:02:54","slug":"he-hath-spoken","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2012\/06\/19\/he-hath-spoken\/","title":{"rendered":"He Hath Spoken"},"content":{"rendered":"

You may remember last year when I took a road trip<\/a> with my father, my two dogs, and a 14′ canoe. Guess what I did recently (hold the canoe)!<\/p>\n

Dad didn’t disappoint this year either. Before we even left, he was trying to carry hot coffee through the house, while the dogs made figure-eights around his legs. “Behave!” he told them. “This is the living room!”<\/p>\n

Then we got on the road…<\/p>\n

Dad, finger in the air: To tweet is to stupidify. I have spoken.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad, trying to explain his recent orthodontic procedures: …pinion, implant… I’m searching for a one-syllable word. Like a good American.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad, as a car passed by with “Just Married” painted in the rear window: Idiots.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad, gesturing at a bunch of idle construction equipment, as we drove through a\u00a0downpour<\/strong>: Why aren’t these guys working?<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad, post-Taco Bell: …Mexican-type reverberations up through my solar plexus.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad, at a freeway dragonfly: You corrupt, suntanned, white-Mercedes, lane-skipping…!<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad, in Middleborough, Massachusetts: This is “The Cranberry Capital of the World”, it says. Not “Southern New England’s Garbage Dump”.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Dad, to a crotch rocket rider who nearly tagged my fender: You’re a statistic waiting to happen, you little twat!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You may remember last year when I took a road trip with my father, my two dogs, and a 14′ canoe. Guess what I did recently (hold the canoe)! Dad didn’t disappoint this year either. Before we even left, he was trying to carry hot coffee through the house, while the dogs made figure-eights around … Continue reading He Hath Spoken<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-animules","category-fambly"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4694"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4694\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4695,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4694\/revisions\/4695"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}