{"id":3213,"date":"2011-09-20T22:46:13","date_gmt":"2011-09-21T02:46:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=3213"},"modified":"2011-09-20T22:46:13","modified_gmt":"2011-09-21T02:46:13","slug":"the-formula","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2011\/09\/20\/the-formula\/","title":{"rendered":"The Formula"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thrice in my life, I have fainted. Long about the third time, the cause\/effect relationship was easy to identify.\u00a0Here it is.<\/p>\n

If I am:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. standing<\/li>\n
  2. on a moving train<\/li>\n
  3. in the morning<\/li>\n
  4. without having eaten breakfast<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I will faint.<\/p>\n

    Weirdest thing. I get all woozy. My vision narrows to nothing. And then I find myself supine on the train floor with a bunch of startled passengers wondering if I’m preggers or ODing. Or my sister does her best to carry me off the T, but I manage to get my shoe caught between the train and the platform and fall onto the marble floor.<\/p>\n

    Anyway, point is, it’s a formula; these circumstances lead to my faintage. Now I can avoid the situation by, say, eating breakfast or taking a cab. (Or moving somewhere with a really poor public transportation system therefore having to drive to work. Ah, done.)<\/p>\n

    I just wish it were easier for me to delineate other cause\/effect relationships.<\/p>\n

    Like, for example, the one that led to my epic fucking temper tantrum at the gym tonight.<\/p>\n

    Is it that if I:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. spend two days untagging myself from Fight Gone Bad<\/a> photos on Facebook because I am just goddamn enormous,<\/li>\n
    2. eat two pieces of sheet cake at my principal’s goodbye luncheon,<\/li>\n
    3. take a two-hour nap,<\/li>\n
    4. watch all the other females in class do some semblance of handstand push-ups while I still struggle with the hands-on-floor\/knees-on-box\/ass-in-the-air variety,<\/li>\n
    5. and finally, not be able to do any<\/em>\u00a0double-unders during the WOD (seriously, after getting 32 in a row last week, tonight I was getting two<\/em> or one<\/em> or none<\/em>),<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      then I will have a big ol’ crying fit and storm out of the gym without saying goodbye to anyone?<\/p>\n

      Is that the formula?<\/p>\n

      Did I figure it out?<\/p>\n

      ‘Cause if that’s it, maybe I can circumvent the Grand Tanty by drinking a cup of coffee or not eating Harris Teeter bakery products.<\/p>\n

      Or maybe I’ll just send out an invitation next time: Come to Amy’s Low Self-Esteem Day at CrossFit Durham!!<\/p>\n

      It was probably pretty entertaining to watch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Thrice in my life, I have fainted. Long about the third time, the cause\/effect relationship was easy to identify.\u00a0Here it is. If I am: standing on a moving train in the morning without having eaten breakfast I will faint. Weirdest thing. I get all woozy. My vision narrows to nothing. And then I find myself … Continue reading The Formula<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,8,20,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-call-me-crazy","category-fambly","category-first-world-problems","category-liftin-heavy-objects-over-ma-head"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3213","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3213"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3213\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3215,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3213\/revisions\/3215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3213"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3213"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3213"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}