I just finished a two-day road trip with my dad, my dogs, and a 14′ canoe. (Just delivering the water vessel to my mom, not actually canoeing with a half-deaf\u00a072-year-old and two pit bulls.)<\/p>\n
Why would I subject myself to such torture, you ask?<\/p>\n
Well, because of these conversational gems, of course:<\/p>\n
Dad: (pointing at a sign) Ah, ‘Welcome Center,\u00a01 1\/2\u00a0miles’, where I have changed my pants in the parking lot.<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Dad: (to a car which was clearly pulled over for speeding) That’ll teach you to smoke dope!<\/em><\/p>\n …<\/p>\n Dad: That road is configured just the way I’d nightmared it.<\/p>\n …<\/p>\n Dad: What time do you want to get up?<\/p>\n Me: Eight.<\/p>\n Dad: Ha.<\/p>\n Me: I know you’re gonna wake up at 4:30, but I’m telling you that if you move around, my dogs’ll think it’s time to get up and I’ll be pissed. You better lie there and practice some meditation.<\/p>\n Dad: Medication?<\/p>\n Me: Medita<\/em>tion.<\/p>\n Dad: Medication?<\/p>\n Me: You better lie there and do nothing, old man. Don’t move. Meditate.<\/p>\n Dad: I always medicate.<\/p>\n …<\/p>\n Dad: If anything’s consistent about Shakespeare, it’s silly fucking plots.<\/p>\n …<\/p>\n As we ate breakfast in a diner:<\/p>\n Dad: (looking through his eyebrows at me) We may have to make several<\/em> stops after this.<\/p>\n Me: I don’t wanna talk about it.<\/p>\n Dad: OK, I’ll give you the short version. (ad alta voce) IT’S DIURETIC DAY. That’s all I’ll say.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I just finished a two-day road trip with my dad, my dogs, and a 14′ canoe. (Just delivering the water vessel to my mom, not actually canoeing with a half-deaf\u00a072-year-old and two pit bulls.) Why would I subject myself to such torture, you ask? Well, because of these conversational gems, of course: Dad: (pointing at … Continue reading They’ll All Cowtow<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2759","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fambly"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2759","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2759"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2759\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4863,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2759\/revisions\/4863"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2759"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2759"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2759"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}