{"id":2566,"date":"2011-05-24T23:10:33","date_gmt":"2011-05-25T03:10:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=2566"},"modified":"2011-06-20T09:21:44","modified_gmt":"2011-06-20T13:21:44","slug":"remember-when-i-said-i-was-handy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2011\/05\/24\/remember-when-i-said-i-was-handy\/","title":{"rendered":"Remember When I Said I Was Handy?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Previously, on the Avid Bruxist blog, our heroine had bought a new gas-powered motor<\/a> because she had allegedly killed two electric mowers in five years (we’ll get back to that part). She had hesitated at buying a machine with a pull-cord because pull-cords that, when pulled, don’t result in engines starting make her throw a goddamn rod.<\/p>\n

Her brand new mower had revved up like a dream the first time, and she mowed to her heart’s content….<\/p>\n

Then came the second time.<\/p>\n

Goats and monkeys!<\/a> Fuck if that thing wouldn’t start.<\/p>\n

Now it’s possible<\/em> that my shed is a little cluttered. And, when putting away the mower, I may or may not<\/em> have struggled to find room. So it could be<\/em> that I sort of picked up the back wheels and set them on top of the broken electric mower. And if I did all that, perhaps<\/em> I left it like that—slanty—for a week or more.<\/p>\n

When I took it out to start it, not only would the motor not crank but some semi-viscous liquid began dripping out of a part that didn’t look like it should have any semi-viscous liquid dripping out of it.<\/p>\n

I called my<\/del> brother-in-law, who swooped in with a screwdriver and can of<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Magic Lawn Mower Sauce.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What had happened was, when I supposedly<\/em> left the mower tipped up like that, oil spilled into…I don’t know. Whatever. He got it started.<\/p>\n

AND he picked up the carcasses of my electric mowers to see if he might tinker ’em back into shape. Turns out, the more recent one just had a whosie-whatsit popped off its anchor, making the ass end drag on the ground. No wonder it was so hard to push. E re-attached it, and it was good to go. The older mower, well, he took off the blade and it looked like<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Jafar's teeth when he's disguised as the old guy in the dungeon.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Yeah, I may have hit a tree root. Once or twice. And a rock. Perhaps a coral reef.<\/p>\n

And I guess I had taken the blade off at some point? Because it was installed upside-down. That’d make it run a little rough, I suppose.<\/p>\n

One time I was visiting my dad at his office, and a colleague of his said, “When it comes to technology, your father has the opposite of the Midas touch. Everything he comes in contact with turns to shit.”<\/p>\n

I’m feeling remarkably like the Scott paterfamilias right now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Previously, on the Avid Bruxist blog, our heroine had bought a new gas-powered motor because she had allegedly killed two electric mowers in five years (we’ll get back to that part). She had hesitated at buying a machine with a pull-cord because pull-cords that, when pulled, don’t result in engines starting make her throw a … Continue reading Remember When I Said I Was Handy?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,20,6,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2566","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fambly","category-first-world-problems","category-random","category-the-estate"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2566","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2566"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2566\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2573,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2566\/revisions\/2573"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}