{"id":2163,"date":"2011-03-15T20:15:48","date_gmt":"2011-03-16T00:15:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=2163"},"modified":"2011-06-20T09:24:47","modified_gmt":"2011-06-20T13:24:47","slug":"shut-up-or-lessons-from-the-universe-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2011\/03\/15\/shut-up-or-lessons-from-the-universe-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Shut Up, or Lessons from the Universe, Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

Second date with FOT<\/a> last night went pretty well. Some of you (Dan, Cat, etc.) will be pleased that he picked up the check, I said I’d chip in, and when he said, “Nah, I got this,” I shut up and let him pay for dinner<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I’m not sure whether we have “it” or not, but we had a good time, so there you go.<\/p>\n

I have<\/em> been fantasizing a lot. But not about FOT.<\/p>\n

And not about my girl-crush<\/a>. (Sorry, Margo.)<\/p>\n

About<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
this guy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

On our first date, FOT told me his co-worker had found a puppy and was trying to find the little guy a home, and I asked FOT to send me a picture or two. I KNOW, I’M A DUMBASS. SHUT UP.<\/p>\n

Before I even saw him, I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine mine mine. The words “baby” and “pit bull” have a similar effect (though in a much more pleasant way) as “mayonnaise” and “burpees”<\/a> for me. I lose all strength and integrity. I will lie, cheat, and steal to get my hands on them. (On the baby pit bulls, not the mayonnaise and burpees, of course.) Mammalian crack cocaine.<\/p>\n

Then I remembered<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
this girl.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

And my bank account<\/a>. And I knew I shouldn’t do it.<\/p>\n

That’s when FOT sent me the pictures.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Shut up! Look at him. Sunbathing. In the ivy. Sunbathing in the ivy!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I lost my ever-loving mind. I was all, “DON’T CARE ABOUT MONEY WILL SELL MY BODY MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE.” I wanted to stick my face right in his neck and stroke those silky ears.<\/p>\n

I started thinking I’d do it, you know. One more dog. What? Mr. Wonderful and his Doberman certainly aren’t banging down the door to fill up the dog-shaped space<\/a> in my house. I’d fill it myself. No big whoop.<\/p>\n

Well, guess who’s turned up lame now?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
This guy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I picked Redford up from his babysitter<\/a> yesterday, and she told me he was limping. Oh boy is he limping.<\/em> Today the vet prescribed him some pain meds and told me to keep him from exercising. (Good luck with that.) If it doesn’t improve in a few days, he’ll have to have an x-ray. Could the solution be surgical? Yes.<\/p>\n

So I’d just like to extend both middle fingers right now to the Universe for teaching me that lesson (Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Date’s Co-worker’s Foster Dog) in the nastiest way possible.<\/p>\n

(And<\/em> ten thousand people are dead in Japan, so I’m gonna shut the fuck up now.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Second date with FOT last night went pretty well. Some of you (Dan, Cat, etc.) will be pleased that he picked up the check, I said I’d chip in, and when he said, “Nah, I got this,” I shut up and let him pay for dinner. I’m not sure whether we have “it” or not, … Continue reading Shut Up, or Lessons from the Universe, Part 3<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,5,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-animules","category-dating","category-first-world-problems"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2163"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2743,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163\/revisions\/2743"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2163"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2163"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}