{"id":1893,"date":"2011-01-17T15:11:52","date_gmt":"2011-01-17T20:11:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=1893"},"modified":"2011-01-17T15:11:52","modified_gmt":"2011-01-17T20:11:52","slug":"paleo-schmaleo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2011\/01\/17\/paleo-schmaleo\/","title":{"rendered":"Paleo Schmaleo"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A lot of people at CrossFit are into eating &#8220;paleo&#8221;&#8212;that is, no processed stuff, low-carb, etc. Indeed, a bunch of them periodically do this 30-day program called <a href=\"http:\/\/whole9life.com\/2010\/12\/whole30-2011\/\">Whole30<\/a>, which is super strict:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>meat<\/li>\n<li>vegetables<\/li>\n<li>nuts &amp; seeds<\/li>\n<li>a little fruit<\/li>\n<li>no dairy<\/li>\n<li>no grains<\/li>\n<li>no sugar<\/li>\n<li>no alcohol<\/li>\n<li>no legumes<\/li>\n<li>no potatoes or other <a href=\"http:\/\/www.whfoods.com\/genpage.php?tname=george&amp;dbid=62\">&#8220;nightshades&#8221;<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Now, I get it. I mean, hunter-gatherers didn&#8217;t pluck their daily rations from the Cinnabon tree; they didn&#8217;t follow roaming herds of Auntie Anne&#8217;s Jumbo Pretzel Dogs. I also understand that humans are the only mammals that drink milk after infancy and the only mammals that drink the milk of another animal (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk\/real_lives\/I_breastfeed_my_dog_article_293284.html\">rare exceptions excluded<\/a>). And I&#8217;m clear that refined sugar is bad for you for many, many reasons.<\/p>\n<p>But legumes? Really? I guess I just have a hard time believing that something that grows out of the ground could be that terrible for you.<\/p>\n<p>Before you&#8217;re all, &#8220;Cocaine grows out of the ground!&#8221;, just stop. I&#8217;m not eating dehydrated garbanzo beans that are then re-hydrated and smashed into paste. Oh wait. That would be hummus, right? OK, well, they&#8217;re not mixed with <em>kerosene<\/em> and <em>sulfuric acid<\/em> and <em>acetone<\/em> and I&#8217;m not <em>snorting<\/em> them and, yes, I looked up <a href=\"http:\/\/www.druglibrary.org\/schaffer\/govpubs\/cocccp.htm\">cocaine processing<\/a>. By the way, did you know that the Eloria Noyesi moth larva feeds exclusively on coca plants? You&#8217;re thinking what I&#8217;m thinking, right? That&#8217;s probably one <em>productive fucking larva<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I digress.<\/p>\n<p>One of the CrossFit coaches said that what she had assumed was arthritis her whole life disappeared when she did Whole30, and my joints are redonk, so I&#8217;ve been considering trying it.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, it would be difficult for me considering <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=1601\">my food issues<\/a>. On the Whole30 website, they say, &#8220;Don\u2019t you <em>dare <\/em>tell us this is hard. Giving up heroin is hard.&#8221; Clearly that statement was written by somebody who&#8217;d never experienced an eating disorder. Food <em>is<\/em> my heroin. So imagine you&#8217;re addicted to heroin and you want to quit, but you can&#8217;t go cold turkey because you <em>have to<\/em> shoot up at least three times a day <em>to live<\/em>. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you &#8220;trying to recover from a compulsive eating disorder&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>In addition, I might&#8217;ve mentioned that <a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=1758\">I can&#8217;t really cook<\/a>. That would make the program difficult.<\/p>\n<p>Plus there are some foods, which I consider healthy, that would be traumatic to give up.<\/p>\n<p>Really just one food: peanut butter.<\/p>\n<p>But the Whole30 people effuse, &#8220;You don&#8217;t <em>need<\/em> peanut butter! There&#8217;s an alternative. A delicious alternative. It&#8217;s called Sunbutter. It&#8217;s so delicious you&#8217;ll never want to go back to peanut butter.&#8221;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_1894\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1894\" style=\"width: 178px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/sunbutter.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1894\" title=\"sunbutter\" src=\"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/sunbutter.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"178\" height=\"284\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-1894\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lies.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>That shit is nasty.<\/p>\n<p>So until I learn to cook and find a real alternative to peanut butter, Whole30 schmole30.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A lot of people at CrossFit are into eating &#8220;paleo&#8221;&#8212;that is, no processed stuff, low-carb, etc. Indeed, a bunch of them periodically do this 30-day program called Whole30, which is super strict: meat vegetables nuts &amp; seeds a little fruit no dairy no grains no sugar no alcohol no legumes no potatoes or other &#8220;nightshades&#8221; &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2011\/01\/17\/paleo-schmaleo\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Paleo Schmaleo<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,14,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1893","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cookin","category-gluten-freek","category-liftin-heavy-objects-over-ma-head"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1893","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1893"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1893\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1904,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1893\/revisions\/1904"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1893"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1893"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1893"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}