{"id":1481,"date":"2010-11-21T13:50:05","date_gmt":"2010-11-21T18:50:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/?p=1481"},"modified":"2012-11-24T18:47:20","modified_gmt":"2012-11-24T23:47:20","slug":"subconscious-seeks-ogre","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/2010\/11\/21\/subconscious-seeks-ogre\/","title":{"rendered":"Subconscious Seeks Ogre"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve never understood sex dreams. I remember waking up from the first one I had in high school, horrified, because my sexual partner in the dream wasn’t the captain of the basketball team; it wasn’t Robbie<\/em>, who played trumpet with me in the jazz band and wasn’t afraid to take improv solos and left notes in my locker; it wasn’t even the principal, which could’ve provided for a naughty authority dynamic.<\/p>\n

No, it was the sophomore who wore nothing but<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
these<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\"\"<\/a>
and these<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

and a big chain going from his black jeans with the 52″ waist\u00a0to his empty wallet.<\/p>\n

He wasn’t completely a Hobbit, but maybe halfsies, you know? His head was gargantuan. Tiny hands,<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
fingers like these.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

With rhotacism. That’s an l<\/em> and r<\/em> to w<\/em> speech impediment.<\/p>\n

Think<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
this guy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I remember being enraged at my own subconscious and walking gingerly into school the next day, petrified that, in a moment of trauma-induced Tourette’s, I might blurt it out in the cafeteria and be ridiculed for the rest<\/em> of my life<\/em>.<\/p>\n

And though I don’t have sex dreams too often, today I woke up shuddering after having dream-sex with a student’s dad. And no, not the hilarious web designer or the charismatic surgeon with beautiful eyes…instead, the paunchy, awkward one with the mid-western accent (yech), whose residence (I remember from the home visit) looks like his garbage can and clothes dryer simultaneously exploded all over the house. It wasn’t even shame-ridden, back-alley sex; there were witnesses.<\/p>\n

What is wrong with me?<\/p>\n

Please tell me I’m not alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve never understood sex dreams. I remember waking up from the first one I had in high school, horrified, because my sexual partner in the dream wasn’t the captain of the basketball team; it wasn’t Robbie, who played trumpet with me in the jazz band and wasn’t afraid to take improv solos and left notes … Continue reading Subconscious Seeks Ogre<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1481","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-call-me-crazy","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1481","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1481"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1481\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5823,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1481\/revisions\/5823"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1481"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1481"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/avidbruxist.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}