Stitch Fixing, Part 10, or Ladies Ladies Please

YOUR FASHION-CHALLENGED AVID BRUXIST! SHE IS BACK! WITH ANOTHER FIX! (See part 9 here, and follow the links for previous posts.)

Before we get into all the clothes-horsing, let’s address some other aspects of my attempt not to devolve into Frumpmom:

(1) Thumbs down: I’ve been negligent in the makeup department. I use tinted chapstick most days, but that’s about the extent of it. I just can’t seem to haul my carcass out of bed any earlier than is absolutely necessary in order to paint myself up for a bunch of 11-year-olds. (I know, I know, I should do it for myself. How do I start giving a shit about makeup?)

(2) Thumbs up: Jeff wanted to give me lazy curls, and I said OK, sure. And will you look at this?!

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Of course, I’ve been able to replicate this look exactly zero-point-zero times since the day he cut it, but for the one day, I looked like I had just stepped out of a salon. Which I had.

On to the Fix!

Let’s start with what I thought would be a slam-dunk but turned out to be a brick at the buzzer. #marchmadness #basketballmetaphors #highfive

When I saw “41 Hawthorn Renesme faux wrap dress” on the packing list, I was like, “Well, I’ll be keeping at least one thing for sure,” because even though I hate wearing dresses, wrap dresses always look good on me.

Then I put it on and was corn-fused.

KAAAAAAAAATE!

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Kate, as usual, articulated the problem:

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She’s generalizing, of course, with “nobody”. Buffalo Bill wanted nothing more than to wear a skin dress. #putthefuckinglotioninthebasket

Next up, a pair of good jeans (FINALLY), which are hard to see in this girls’ bathroom photo, but just take my word for it, they’re uniform dark wash (no whiskers) and huggy in the right places.

Also, shirt from previous fix, key lanyard statement piece, coffee cup statement piece, and pencil statement piece
Sandy bootcut jeans from level 99. Also, shirt from Fix 6, key lanyard statement piece, five-dollar Shoe Carnival sunglasses, and utilitarian flip-flops.

There were two shirts in this Fix, and though I liked the color of the first one, I honestly had no idea whether either of them was any good in terms of shape, fit, or style.

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Top, Skies Are Blue Donavon crochet-detail knit top. Bottom, Rilo button-up blouse from Collective Concepts.

Good thing there’s Kate!

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That Kate, always making sure the ladies get their due. And if you asked, as I did, “Da fuq is a placket?”, I googled it–it’s an opening in a garment, like a collar, cuff, or waistline.

She was right, btw. Here’s a better pic of the green:

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Sent the hiddy pattern, boobflappy, collarless placket one back.

You know what’s coming, don’t you? The statement piece!

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Zad Adrianna Circle Bib Necklace

“Yes or no?” I asked Kate.

She was like, “Do YOU like it?”

We all know that’s beside the point, but yeah, I thought I did like it. She said I could keep it, so I kept it.

Hey, please use this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep posting these silly blogs about it. (I make zero dollars on my blogs. Keep me in couture, readers!)

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

 

So Much More Than Retrobruxist Friday 1/4/13 or, How Many Times Can I Link to My Own Shit in One Post?, Also New Year’s Resolutions!

First of all, thanks for your comments/voicemails/emails of support, but I’m fine. I actually feel fine—no joke. I had been feeling more optimistic about this relationship than previous ones, so yes, I was a little disappointed when the Dutchman bowed out. And startled. He seemed in it to win it, you know? But I really do feel all right.

Because truth be told, my Man*—the honest-to-jeebus One—might say, “Duck,” on this same issue, but it’s not enough to make him say, “Goose.” I can guaran-damn-tee it. I got too much going for me. I feel good.

That being said, I’m not getting back on OKCupid. I’ve been banging my head against that wall too long. So the Universe is going to have to deliver me my partner some other way.

*GAH. I am so heteronormative (heterosexual?). I keep forgetting that I’m supposed to be open to lezzing out.

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Three years ago, I set the bar low. This year, I’m setting the bar, eh, maybe torso-high?

First, let’s reflect on last year’s resolutions, shall we? I don’t floss (#2) or make my bed (#4) as much as I had hoped I would, but heck if I haven’t reduced my sugar intake (#5) by pounds. GOOD FOR ME. I have a sugary treat a few times a week, maybe some Greek yogurt with various mix-ins (I feel a vlog coming on!). I don’t think about sugar as much, and that’s truly a revelation.

I tried to dress better (#1), but I didn’t really have the tools, did I? I give myself a pass on that one.

I did SO VERY WELL not engaging in political or religious debates on Facebook (#3). Not perfectly, but on the few occasions that I slipped up, I was usually able to sit on my hands after one comment.

My self-talk (#6) was not good. I utterly failed at being nice to myself. I’M A FAILURE. I SUCK.

Hahahaha.

I was in a romantic relationship (#7)… Can I count it as a two-year relationship since it spanned 2012-2013? I think so.

So this year! Here goes:

1. Manage my depression/anxiety. My treatment requires a cocktail of interventions: amino acids, vitamins, exercise, time with friends, dog-walks, and some sort of regular group or individual therapy. I had let the last bit slide for financial reasons, and that was a bad move. But as of yesterday, I’m back in the game!

Woohoo!

Mental health!

Yeah!

Yeah.

Ugh.

2. Eat even less sugar. I’m interested in what a no-sugar (except special occasions) Amy would feel like. This resolution will commence once I’ve finished the can of whipped cream in my fridge. And maybe my Greek yogurt. Maybe this resolution sucks?

3a. Dress better. Now I have the tools. Fashion! Gonna happen!

3b. Wear makeup. But listen, I just can’t bring myself to paint my face for work. It seems ridiculous—I teach sixth grade, plus I have to be there at 7:15am. Who even invented 7:15am? So my compromise is this: lipstick during the day (I’ll even re-apply!), mascara or full makeup (as I see appropriate) when I go out on weekend nights.

Deal?

Deal.

High-five.

4. Be positive about my job. One complaint a day. That’s all I get. This’ll be hard. I had used my one complaint by 8:20 this morning.

5. Keep a cleaner house. I love a clean house, and I’m good about tidying up for company, but I have trouble putting stuff away and vacuuming if nobody’s going to see it. I tried having a chore chart for myself—that didn’t work. I also used the old put-a-sticky-note-on-the-computer trick.

clean one thing
No dice.

I’ll take advice on how to implement this one.

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Two years ago, though I didn’t know it at the time, I wrote the original Cooking for Dumbs post! I have come so very far! My Mexican Braised Beef has gotten et at two different parties, and my bacon-wrapped dates continue to inspire all but marriage proposals!

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Speaking of parties, a year ago, I built my fire pit! Best investment of three days and 180 bucks ever. I’ve had, what?, eight or nine fires since then, including this New Year’s Eve. And that was a hellified good time.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all, and happy 2013! (What are your New Year’s resolutions?)

Makeup Tutorial[?] (Vlog!)

Kate “The Ginger Menace” n’ Megalu gave me another makeup tutorial on Friday, and this time, like good pedagogues, they had me do the work myself. Their standards were real high, but they conducted themselves with patient, loving guidance. Now I present it to you! (Spoiler alert: I’m not very good at it.)

After our session, Kate and Meg pulled things out of my closet and made an outfit for me. Turns out I apparently DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRESS MYSELF EITHER. They’re going to give me clothes lessons and go shopping with me. How to Dress Yourself for the Nearly-Forty-Year-Old tutorial vlog forthcoming, I’m sure.