First-World Problems Archive

Retrobruxist Friday 4/12/13, Also SAD, Moreover I Probably Don’t Have Nose Cancer

On Wednesday, after three days of finding it extremely easy to be nice to my students without even faking it, which is what I had been having to do, and this despite having to get up at stupid:30 a.m. after a long and luxurious spring break, I realized something: A whole bunch of people said [...]

Whoa, Almost Forgot Retrobruxist Friday 4/5/13

Three years ago, I did laughter yoga. It was real dumb, and I kind of loved it. I was lamenting the need to go pants shopping two years ago, but I have come a long way, you guys. I went jeans shopping on Wednesday with Kate and Michelle (blog post surely to come), and I [...]

You Guys, Good News

It’s not just 23-year-olds from Goldsboro on How About We. In response to my How about we… get a couple of pork butt plates at The Q Shack date, I heard from a 51-year-old. From Clinton.   (Want children someday? Dude, you’re 51. Which day are you thinking of?) But that’s not all. A 24-year-old thought my How [...]

Too Fat for Toes-to-Bar

My sister-in-law is a gifted songwriter, and about ten years ago, she wrote a hilarious collar-tugger of a song called “Too Fat for Breakfast”, in which she (a normal-sized person) outlined some of the ways our society made her feel like a lumbering, jiggly mess (“Last-season Jennifer Aniston/You look like a lollipop”). Here’s my CrossFit-themed [...]

Retrobruxist Friday 3/29/13, or On Being “Desperate” (Now with Norovirus!)

Ugh. Norovirus. Or food poisoning, or something. When I wasn’t exploding from both ends, I was curled up on my pull-out couch with the dogs, moaning. Moaning! I literally moaned for, like, 15-minute stretches. Then I would watch two episodes of How I Met Your Mother, and then I would turn it off so I could [...]

Fayshun! Amy Goes Rogue, and It Doesn’t Go That Well

We’ve gotten to the point in Amy’s Fantastic Fashion Voyage when you’ll be seeing some of the same items as before but in different combinations. As I mentioned, after our excursion to the outlets, we put all my purchases on Kate’s bed, she laid out ensembles, and I took pictures of them with my phone. I never [...]

Retrobruxist Friday 3/2/13

Still not writing much, but my brain is chewing on a new FAYSHUN post. I’m going to buy a strapless bra at Target tomorrow, and then I’ll be ready to be there for sex. Not at Target. Just wherever I end up going in that outfit. Also, I’ve got a good story about teaching that I’m [...]

Retrobruxist Friday 3/1/13, or The Boss of Me

You guys. Man. I’m a bloggy failure mess. I am not the boss of this blog. I can’t seem to write shit, and blah blah this has happened before, but never for this long. It’s scary, to be honest. I’m in a not-so-great place, to be honest. Even things that had been going well are not [...]

Retrobruxist Friday 2/22/13

Today I arm-wrestled the boys in my first period class. Only one of them beat me. (Yes, they’re 12 years old; what’s your point?) The one that beat me is hella strong—at least three inches taller than me and wide as a high school football player. We might actually have a 21 Jump Street situation [...]

No Poo (If It Were Me, I’d Put an Apostrophe Before the P, But Wikipedia Doesn’t Have One, So)

When I was in Italy, my host sister washed her hair on Saturday evenings. That was it. Once a week. So did most of my friends. Everybody thought I was bananas for washing my hair every day. And they were right. So much work. Washing, conditioning, drying. Drying’s the worst. I’ve been semi-obsessed with going No Poo [...]