So
The irony (or not) is that my story had to do with being less than sanguine about turning 37, and being single, and having what I have, and not having what I don’t have. People keep asking me if they can read it, but—and this is weird because I told the story to 200 strangers on Monday night—I don’t feel ready to share it here yet. It was hard, and I cried, and apparently they cried, and I was hoping that it would be this big catharsis and I’d be Healed, and Filled with Optimism. But I’m not.
My birthday was great: My friends did it up for me; my writing teacher said nice things about my homework; I won the SLAM.
But two things: (1) I still seem to be in the midst of this 3/8-life crisis, and (2) Jeff, the director of the Monti, posted the absolute worst picture of me on Facebook on Tuesday to announce my victory.
And I flipped out.
I concluded by saying, “If that’s what I look like, then the question ‘Why am I still single?’ has been answered.”
He deleted the photo, but I really did let it ruin my day. Which feels dumb. Letting one bad picture negate all the happy. Especially, since I’ve been trying to be more accepting of my appearance, and most especially in the face of the Sikh woman’s righteous badassery that’s been floating around the internet for the last few days.
How do I get to be more like her? I don’t believe that my body is a gift from a divine being, genderless or otherwise, but I do believe that not focusing on my appearance would leave more time to think about my attitudes and actions.
In the past month or so, when I’ve found myself sliding into egocentrism, I’ve stopped, gotten on Facebook, and acknowledged a friend’s particular brand of awesomeness. It has helped.
But I like gettin my hur did. :(
I’m considering allowing myself to go bald by not taking the ~75$/month of hair tonic. What’s weird is that I don’t want to have this vanity. I want to be the kind of guy who just doesn’t give a shit if he’s bald and is more attractive for having that attitude. I have however spent a shit ton of cash fighting my hair loss.
Brave statements, Jonathan!
(I fixed the link.)
Lookit the pic of you in a bikini which I have framed on my wall, and remind yourself what hotness looks like.
In regard to the whole “If that’s what I look like, then the question ‘why am I still single’ has been answered” situation: seriously, look around in any public place: there are PAH-LENTY of fat and ugly and skeptical and stoned folks who are married to the loves of their lives. And there are just as many fit and beautiful and open and sober people who are single.
You are in the latter category. And your ability to wear your heart on your sleeve in these posts is extraordinary.
I celebrated my 37th a couple of weeks ago by shopping and taking myself to the ballet. And then some wine and gluten-free pizza. Because of some scheduling situations going on in my life at present, I spent my birthday by myself. I couldn’t believe I was actually really OK with it. It was very centering.
You’re awesome. You’re going to kick the everluvin tar out of 37.
Okay. I can not read this post and do nothing about it. My birthday gift to you, if you will except it, is a photo-shoot. I will prove to you how beautiful you are. We can do it any way you want, typical soot or CF shoot, or with dogs, but I will show you how gorgeous you are.
either my tear ducts (ducks? jesus why is english so hard) are broke, or this is the sweetest thing ever so i *should* be tearing up about it. probably the latter.
amy, i don’t think you fully appreciate how great you must be. you attract amazing, thoughtful, beautiful people to you. the common denominator in all of your awesome friends is YOU. don’t judge yourself by stupid pictures – judge yourself by how awesome your friends are. i think you’ll find you are blown away by how gorgeous you are.
but probably a photo shoot with bea will be the best solution!
This IS the sweetest thing ever. Thanks, Bea!
I mean, you guys… wait, I’m going to write another post.
Bea, might I suggest boudoir photo-shoot? They’re all the rage, you know. Not for me, I wouldn’t be interested in seeing that sort of thing. But for AMY of course…