Ask the AB: Metaphor

Reader Rachel asks:

Is being “sexual napalm” a good or a bad thing? People magazine articles on the subject are inconclusive, and I’m trying to get my new years resolutions in order.

Well, Urban Dictionary told me it’s a “sexual hold a woman has on you similar to being addicted to drugs”, and I thought I’d advise you to put it on your New Year’s Resolutions list, just above making your bed every day, because it could be very useful in terms of manipulating your husband.

But then I looked at wikipedia, which states that “napalm can cause severe burns (ranging from superficial to subdermal) to the skin and body, asphyxiation, unconsciousness, and death”. And if you do that, you’ll have, at best, a gimpy husband and, at worst, a dead husband. Both types of husbands are very hard to manipulate.