My self-summary: I prefer my popcorn stale. I’ve never met a three-hole punch or an electric pencil sharpener I couldn’t kill within a year. Getting a dog was the best decision of my adult life. I’ve done two things to screw up teeth: (1) I’ve ground my teeth in my sleep since before I can remember, and (2) back in high school, I had a slight addiction to Blue Raspberry Blow Pops…and Tetris, but I’m pretty sure it was the Blow Pops that gave me cavities.
What I’m doing with my life: I wrangle fourth graders for a living. One of my fourth graders wrote me the following letter: “THANKS your like a sister Ms. —–! Especially when you cream me at tetherball! but thats a reason I look up to you. Thanks for all you do! Ms. —–!” And she drew a little picture of us as frogs on a lily pad, playing tetherball with a fly, instead of a ball, on the end of the rope. She has a speech bubble that says “Pant Pant” and mine says, “No mercy for the fourth grade!”, which is actually what I say when I’m playing.
I’m really good at: wrangling fourth graders, tetherball when my opponent is shorter than me and under 10 years of age, being an auntie, salsa and swing dancing, Boggle, and complimenting my dogs.
The first thing people notice about me: is my eyes. That, or the ghetto booty.
My favorites: Music: Intelligent Pop a la Jason Mraz, Druggie Pop a la Amy Winehouse, Snotty Brit Pop a la Lily Allen, 1960s Soul a la Otis, Classic Rock a la Dire Straits, Country a la Dixie Chicks, Good 80s a la Duran Duran, Cheesy 80s a la Howard Jones, Hip Hop a la Lupe Fiasco, Alterna Rock a la Feist, Cryptic Rock a la Tori Amos, Lesbian Rock a la Indigo Girls, World a la Gipsy Kings, Festival Folk a la Girlyman, Old School Latin a la Ibrahim Ferrer, SexyUgly Pop a la Prince, Pre- and Post-sellout Pop a la Sting; TV Shows: The Wire, Six Feet Under, West Wing, Arrested Development, Sports Night, The Flight of the Conchords; Movies: Strictly Ballroom, Some Like It Hot, all chumps-to-champs sports movies, Breakfast Club, Moonstruck; Books: The Watsons Go to Birmingham–1963, Life in the Time of Cholera, Poisonwood Bible, Walk Two Moons, A Walk in the Woods; Food: yes
The six things I could never do without: Violet (my pit-lab mix), Redford (my other pit-lab mix), chapstick, gluten, my computer, and let me think about that sixth one.
I spend a lot of time thinking about: myself. I need to stop that.
On a typical Friday night I am: contra dancing, dining outside with friends, or passed out on my couch from a week of fourth-grader-wrangling.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here: I think I might’ve had a slight case of OCD when I was a kid.
You should message me if: you’re funny and odd and you think I’m funny and odd. Or if you are a hypnotist.